Human sexuality

Human sexuality refers to the expression of sexual sensation and related intimacy between human beings. Psychologically, sexuality is the means to express the fullness of love between a man and a woman. Biologically, it is the means through which a child is conceived and the lineage is passed on to the next generation.

Sexuality is intrinsically a moral act. The world's major religions concur in viewing sexual intimacy as proper only within marriage; otherwise it can be destructive to human flourishing. The Fall of Man in Genesis, the story of Helen of Troy in the Iliad, and accounts of the decline of the Roman Empire brought on by decadent sexual mores are examples of how traditional wisdom has viewed the wrong use of sex as a cause of human downfall.

There are a great many forms of human sexuality, comprising a broad range of behaviors. The basics of the sexual act are part of our human endowment; however, sexual expression has varied across cultures and historical periods. Sexual views are evident in the arts and literature of every culture and every historical era. In most societies there are legal bounds on what sexual behavior is permitted. Full coverage of this topic thus includes the physiological, psychological, moral, social, cultural, religious, spiritual and legal aspects of sex and human sexual behavior.

Sexual Ethics

People may experiment with a range of sexual activities during their lives, though they tend to engage in only a few of these regularly. However, most societies have defined some sexual activities as inappropriate (wrong person, wrong activity, wrong place, wrong time, etc.) The most widespread sexual norm historically, and the norm promoted nearly universally by the world's religions, is that sex as appropriate only within marriage. Accompanying this norm is the widespread belief that sex acts are devalued when engaged in outside of a long-term, monogamous relationship. However, extra-marital sexual activity and casual sex has become increasingly accepted in modern society as a result of the sexual revolution.

What is the rationale for traditional moral strictures on sexuality? In general, a sexual activity can express committed love or be a meaningless casual event for recreational purposes. Yet sexual encounters are not merely a physical activity like enjoying good food. Sex involves the partners in their totality, touching their minds and hearts as well as their bodies. Therefore, sexual relations has lasting impact on the psyche. Sexuality is a powerful force that can do tremendous good or terrible harm; therefore it carries with it moral responsibility.

Sex and religion

Traditional religions often restricted and denigrated sex. Medieval Catholicism taught that sex was dirty and impure, lifting up the Virgin Mary as the ideal of womanhood and encouraging true believers to live celibate lives as priests and nuns. Following Augustine, who created a strict divide between the spiritual and the carnal, traditional Roman Catholic doctrine understood the purpose of sex as procreation, nothing more. In Buddhism, only monks could live a holy life and attain the highest Enlightenment; this required above all abstaining from sex and denying all desires of the senses.

Judaism and Islam, on the other hand, reject celibacy and regard marriage as the natural state. These religions traditionally encouraged believers to have a healthy sex life within marriage. Thus the Qur'an teaches:

Among His signs is that He created spouses for you among yourselves that you may console yourselves with them. He has planted affection and mercy between you. (S 30.21)

The Protestant Reformation led Christians to re-appropriate the goodness of married sex. Today's Protestants have been joined by post-Vatican II Catholicism in promoting the belief that sex is a gift of God, to express love between husband and wife and increase the health and satisfaction of marriage:

"Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh" Genesis 2.24

"Let your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth... May her breasts satisfy you always" Proverbs 5:18-19

According to the Jewish mystical teachings of the Kabbala, the time of sexual intercourse is a moment of great holiness, when the Shekhinah (the Holy Spirit) descends to the couple and showers them with blessings. In line with the holiness of the conjugal union, Hasidic couples customarily reserve the evening of the Sabbath as the time for sexual intercourse.

Sex outside of marriage is a different matter entirely. All the major religions condemn extramarital sex as sinful. Even sexual attraction to anyone who is not one’s spouse is condemnable:

You shall not commit adultery. Deuteronomy 5:18

Neither fornicate, for whosoever does that shall meet the price of sin—doubled shall be the chastisement for him on the Resurrection Day. Qur’an, S 25.68-69

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28

Religions embody the centuries-old traditional wisdom that adultery has been the downfall of good men and women throughout history. Sexual misconduct is somehow connected to the Original Sin, when Adam and Eve yielded to temptation in the Garden of Eden and afterwards covered their lower parts. (Genesis 3:7). To overcome this problem, religions call for self-control, and especially the mastery of sexual desire, as the foundation for personal maturity, ethical relations with others, and a right relationship with God.

The Sexual Revolution

The sexual revolution which burst on the American scene in the 1960s has promoted an alternative sexual ethic, asserting that recreational sex is a healthy activity. It condemned Victorian mores that limited sex to the marriage bed as restrictive of personal freedom, and asserted that sex between consenting partners is a positive value for promoting intimacy and affection.

Hugh Hefner's Playboy magazine became the chief popularizer of this new ethic, and its "Playboy philosophy" has shaped the sexual attitudes of several generations. Playboy trumpeted the life of bachelor pleasures where women are sex objects to be enjoyed, as opposed to responsible and unselfish partnerships with women, thus rationalizing the worldview of adolescent boys.

Several currents came together in the 1960s to turn America's sexual mores upside-down. First was the technology of birth control. The birth-control pill was perfected, for the first time giving women the freedom to engage in sexual relations without fear of pregnancy. Women traditionally acted to restrain men's sexual proclivities, since they had born the consequences of sex in pregnancy and motherhood. Now that constraint was lifted.

Feminism also changed female attitudes towards sex. Feminists beginning with Simone de Beauvoir decried women's subservience to men. They exposed the Victorian double standard that permitted men to indulge their appetites with multiple lovers but expected women to be monogamous; a world where women were regarded as property—hence any bride who was not a virgin was stigmatized as "damaged goods"—and where women may even expect to achieve sexual satisfaction. To counter this injustice, feminists declared that women should be able to have sex on equal terms with men, to claim their right to sexual pleasure, and even beat men in their own game of sexual domination. From this point of view, a woman's efforts in the sexual sphere could be an expression of a liberated consciousness.

At the same time, the Kinsey Report (1948) promoted the idea that sexual infidelity and homosexuality were far more common than people had suspected. Kinsey is also reported to have asserted that human beings need frequent sexual outlets—whether heterosexual, homosexual or masturbatory the context was irrelevant—or they will suffer from psychological problems. As a result, people began to question their moral reservations about sex outside of marriage, believing they were missing out on pleasures others were enjoying and even that they might be damaging their psychological well-being. The Kinsey Report continues to generate fierce debate over the reliability of its findings, and some have accused it of biased methods and unrepresentative samples. Nevertheless, it has had profound impact on attitudes towards sex.

The sexual revolution burst on to the campus scene in the 1960s, where it became part and parcel of youth rebellion against authority, political protest against the Vietnam War, the drug culture, rock 'n roll music, the feminist movement, and critique of conventional religion that denied the body. Herbert Marcuse, the guiding light of the New Left, taught in his book Eros and Civilization that by liberating ourselves to enjoy our sexuality freely, we could help tear down the structures of capitalist oppression and build a new society of transformed people who would no longer wish to make their partner an object of domination (i.e., in marriage).

Such was the heady idealism of the original Sexual Revolution. Although the idealism and passions have long since cooled, the change it brought to America's sexual mores has remained a permanent legacy—for better or for worse.

Sexual function within marriage

Coitus, tacuinum sanitatis casanatensis (XIV century)

In the context of marriage, lovemaking is entirely healthy and ethical, expressing and reinforcing the profound moral commitment between spouses who are sharing their lives together. Sex is a deep encounter of heart and body. It is both instinctual and transcendent, mundane yet miraculous. Sex symbolizes the couple's desire for oneness, as neither the heart nor the genitals can find fulfillment without the beloved. Therefore, sex finds its deepest satisfaction within the discipline of marriage.

Sex within marriage fulfills several important roles:

• Sex strengthens the bond between husband and wife in all aspects of their lives
• Sex expresses love affection and fosters emotional intimacy
• Sex reinforces the exclusivity of the relationship
• Sex symbolizes mutual submission and dedication to the higher purpose of the marriage
• Sex helps heal conflicts and mend rifts
• Sex reduces anxiety and releases tension
• Sex leads to children who are wanted and treasured by both parents

The sexual act is fraught with responsibility to the children it may create. Restricting sexuality to marriage creates the most secure foundation for the care of children. Since human beings spend a lifetime rearing their children, the nature of the parental bond impacts the next generation to a greater extent than it does in the majority of animal species. The monogamous bond of husband and wife provides a unique relationship that supports the resulting family. Two parents united in the common goal of parenting their children can ensure that their lineage is secure, healthy, and prosperous. When parents are not monogamous, the family structure is less clear, and the children experience a variety of adults with varying degrees of commitment to their future. Research is unequivocal that children raised by cohabiting or single adults do not fare as well as those raised by parents who maintain sexual fidelity.

Good lovemaking depends mainly upon the spouses' attitude and on the quality of their relationship. People cannot easily control the physical aspect of sex, but they can and should work on improving the relational context within which lovemaking takes place. A good context for lovemaking requires trust, security, care, acceptance, honest communication, friendship, playful curiosity and openness to learn.

Frequency of Lovemaking in Married Couples

Daily	15%
Several times a week	45%
Once a week	25%
Once a month	8%
Rarely	7%

Gender differences

Men and women have different patterns of sexual arousal. The man is aroused quickly at the sight of his spouse's nakedness and the touch of her body; it is almost automatic. He immediately feels an urge in the genitals, and his cognitive focus is on genital sensations. His actions naturally are aimed at intercourse and the fulfillment of his genital need.

The woman's arousal is slower and less predictable. She may be aroused by his voice, his touch, and especially by caring and romantic speech. Her urge is more diffuse, and response to all-over touch and sensual play. Her focus is mainly on the relationship rather than the act of intercourse.

Men favor quantity over quality; they tend to like frequent sex and think of it often. Women favor quality over quantity; they typically can gain long-lasting satisfaction from quality sex at less frequent intervals.

Men and women also differ as regards the physical act of sexual intercourse. The man typically has one climax, while his wife may have multiple orgasms. The husband climaxes quickly on his own, while his wife requires time, and often her husband's help, before she reaches climax. The husband is more likely to enjoy experimenting and playfulness, while the wife is more likely to prefer the familiar and safe ways of doing things. The man may prefer to make love in the morning, while the woman is most likely to prefer the evening.

Men can separate the body from the person, sex from love; they want sex even when the emotional context is strained. Women on the other hand do not see sex as separate from love; therefore they need to feel affirmed in their relationship before they warm to sex. Hence, in marriage, men like to use sex to overcome conflicts, while women like to talk to overcome conflicts before having sex.

Women's Sexual Satisfaction

Orgasm
Never	10%		Enjoy just being together	55%
Seldom	25%		Prefer physical and emotional closeness to orgasm	85%
Often	40%
Always	25%

Men tend to value physical closeness over emotional intimacy. Hence they may take a bedroom rejection very hard, be anxious about their performance, and are not easily distracted during the act of lovemaking. Women, on the other hand, tend to value emotional intimacy more than the physical side. Hence they are less concerned about rejection but are more anxious about their body and how they appear to their husbands. They are also more easily distracted by stress and fatigue.

These gender differences mean that sex has different meanings for men and women. Men see lovemaking as the first step on the path to a soul connection and emotional closeness. Women want emotional closeness first, before they make love. The difference can lead to many misunderstandings.

Husbands need to learn what their wives need to encourage arousal. They include: trust and respect, intimacy and the ability to be vulnerable, good conversation, affection, sensual touching, help with housework, giving her adequate rest, providing her with safety and security, and patient encouragement for her to heal from past abuse. He should develop a good knowledge of feelings, be an expert on his wife's body, and then at the right time, lead her with passion, attention and romance.

Wives can also learn the secrets to giving their husbands a more satisfying sex life. They include: scheduling time for frequent sex, priming herself to get into the mood, giving him novelty and adventure. She can get comfortable with her own body and recognize its allure, and take delight in his body, going along with his sensual play.

Every couple creates their own unique lovemaking style that is a balance between these male and female aspects. The male may take charge or the pair may cooperate; they may act spontaneously or schedule "dates" with each other; the lovemaking may be slow or quick, may or may not include long foreplay, and may be done in silence or with talking. No one style is right for everyone. How a couple makes love is special and unique; it is their secret treasure.

Seasons of the sex life

The nature of a couple's sex life changes over time; it goes through "seasons" like the seasons of the year—spring, summer, fall and winter.

• The honeymoon period: During the first few years of marriage, sex is full of excitement. The couple are infatuated with one another and feel so closely bonded that they are not aware of the differences between them.

• After the honeymoon is over: After two to three years of marriage all kinds of differences begin to surface, including different sexual preferences. The spouses are less willing to overlook these differences and must negotiate a shared sex style. (This is when unmarried cohabiting couples often split up.)

• After the first child is born: The birth of a child brings a marked reduction in the mother's sexual desire. She is typically exhausted from caring for the child and feels her husband's demand for sex to be selfish. The father in turn feels neglected and left out of the intense bonding that is occurring between mother and child. During this phase, which may last as long as there are young children to care for, the couple may need to schedule time for sex.

• Middle and senior years: As the man gets older and can no longer come to arousal autonomously, he may need his wife's help. Meanwhile, the wife may enjoy sex more since the children are gone and menopause has increased her testosterone. These years are marked by increased companionship, and cooperation extends to the sexual act.

Challenges to sexual satisfaction

Among happy couples, good sex is seen as only one element (5th in importance) of a good marriage. An unsatisfying sex life, however, is most often the number one complaint in an unhappy marriage. For this reason, it is incumbent upon couples to work on their sex lives to make sex an asset to marital harmony and not a source of marital discord.

Common challenges to sexual satisfaction in marriage include:

• Simmering tensions between the partners. This can damage their sense of connection. They may use the bedroom as a battlefield, either to act out their aggression or to withhold favors.

• Unrealistic expectations: The man may think that he is supposed to always be ready and able to perform well, while the woman may have higher expectations for pleasure than her man can deliver. When they fall short, the couple becomes frustrated, thinking that "everyone else" is having better sex, when in fact these unrealistic expectations come largely from media hype in our hypersexed era.

• Boredom. This comes from couples who stick to a fixed routine, with a narrow repertoire of sex and touching, who lack imagination and are not playful about trying new things to stimulate their partner.

• Pornography: This can cause all sorts of distortions in the viewer's expectations of his or her partner that can damage their sex life. The viewer of pornography may be eager to try all sorts of kinky practices that his partner may not want. Porn stars are always aroused, leading the viewer to have a self-centered view of sex that does not include the effort required to please his partner—who has her own needs. Masturbating in front of pornography can drain the libido so the viewer is no longer interested in sex with his spouse.

• Fears about performance: Men can be anxious about achieving or maintaining arousal or fear that they may come to climax prematurely. Women may be worried that they are not achieving orgasm. This is exacerbated when there is poor communication between the partners; for instance, when the man thinks he is supposed to know what to do and cannot receive suggestions well because he takes it as a sign of inadequacy. In good sex, both partners are receptive to learning from the other and asking each other's help.

• Inhibitions about the body or hang-ups about pleasure, as when one partner dislikes messiness or thinks that she is not supposed to enjoy sex too much. This can caused by deep-seated religious beliefs.

• Setting preconditions for having sex. One spouse may set unrealistic demands, using sex as a stick to force changes in the other's behavior. It would be better for both spouses to be tolerant of each other and willing to have sex even when there are unresolved issues.

• Different levels of sexual desire. It is quite common for the partners to have different natural levels of sex drive, yet it is the number one complaint among couples seeking counseling. Desire naturally ebbs and flows, but at different times for the husband and wife. Reduced desire can be caused by the pressures of parenting and job, by bad health and hormonal changes. The positions can switch, as when a senior man loses interest just as his wife, who is over her menopause, is warming up. 30 percent of women and 15 percent of men have low libido.

To deal with this problem, the partners need to avoid accusing the other of being a "cold fish" or a "sex maniac"; and instead find ways to empathize with each other and support each other. The spouse with lower desire can make effort to accommodate the other's greater level of passion while looking for ways to raise her own libido. She may find that starting the motions of sex even though she has no desire for it can spark a flame. Many happily married wives say they are not in the mood when they start but they enjoy it later.

The spouse with higher desire should not take his spouse's disinterest personally. He can learn to be an expert at stimulating his spouse to become aroused, and when that does not work, to redirect his sexual energy to non-genital sensual pastimes. He should learn to be direct in asking for sex, and at the same time he should be able to turn off the pressure if his partner refuses.

In sum, good sex is possible when each partner has self-mastery and understands their own arousal; when each takes responsibility to keep a positive and loving attitude towards the other; when each helps the other through good communication, a giving attitude, and being at expert in what the spouse likes; and when the couple develops many diverse ways to express affection.

Consequences of uncommitted sex

Sex outside of marriage can seem to function in the same way: expressing affection, bonding the partners, adding sparkle to their relationship and helping it to feel special. Unfortunately, it can also bring about practically the exact opposite of what sex does in marriage. It can highlight an underlying sense of emotional insecurity, introduce and aggravate conflicts, and increase stress and anxiety. These effects may be subtle at first, but they take their toll. A whirlwind romance or a series of casual "hook-ups" can lead to years of regret:

That sick, used feeling of having given a precious part of myself ... to so many and for nothing, still aches. I never imagined I'd pay so dearly and for so long.

Such experiences are all too common. People who choose to practice casual sex are likely to face health issues, experience psychological harm, have more difficulties in subsequent relationships with others, and cause spiritual damage to their eternal soul. To enumerate:

• The chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD), including HIV/AIDS, increase with the number of partners one has. Thus, monogamy is a safer option.

• Pregnancy is a potential (often intended) consequence of sexual activity. It is a common outcome even when birth control is used. For a young woman not involved in a committed relationship, the months of pregnancy, childbirth, and rearing of a child can interrupt her education and derail her dreams for a promising career, leaving her with the prospect of years of struggle as a single mother. She may choose to have an abortion, but that carries health risks and can leave psychological scars.

• Uncommitted sexual relationships can be a corrupting influence. It is no secret that people will lie and cheat to get sex. In one group of 75 middle-class 19-year-old male students, 65% admitted getting a young woman drunk to have sex, and more than 40% had used verbal intimidation, and 20% had used force or threats of violence. In a study of University of California students, a quarter of men who were sexually involved with more than one person at a time said that their partners did not know. When people treat others as sex objects to be exploited, they end up debasing themselves.

• Regret, guilt and shame are the common aftermath of uncommitted sex. Several surveys suggest that half of sexually experienced students report "tremendous guilt" as part of the aftermath. Some causes for shame include, for a woman: giving herself to an unworthy relationship, violating her parents' trust, a ruined reputation, and loss of self-worth. A man might fell guilt over having discarded a partner and witnessing her heartbreak: "I finally got the girl into bed... but then she started saying she loved me.... [When I finally dumped her, I felt pretty low."

• Loss of self-respect is a common outcome of nonmarital sex with multiple partners. Whether sex is a matter of making conquests or negotiating favors, using another or being used, it comes at the cost of feeling valued as a person who is uniquely loved. When sexual utility is the criterion for attention, there is always the underlying anxiety that someone else will perform better or look more attractive.

• Sexual addiction is a pattern of behavior when people use sex as an easy escape from the challenges and responsibilities of life. Sex is a powerful distraction away from the important tasks that adolescents need to complete on the way to personal maturity and gaining career skills, and can thus hinder personal growth.

• Sex can damage relationships in several ways. When a friendship becomes sexual it changes, sometimes derailing a warm and caring relationship that could have been a good basis for marriage. On the other hand, a sexual relationship can trap people who otherwise would not care for each other. Sexual expectations can consume all the energy in a relationship, interfering with communication and the development of other shared interests that could sustain the relationship and help it grow.

• Breaking up from a romantic relationship where sex is involved can result in depression and precipitate an emotional crisis. In extreme cases it can lead to self-destructive behavior, or to violent rage against the former partner and his/her new lover. A sexual betrayal can create lasting issues of trust that can make it very difficult to enter into or sustain subsequent relationships.

• Down the road, the memory of former sexual partners can haunt a marriage and make it more difficult for the married couple to cultivate an exclusive bond. The habit of indulging sexual feelings before marriage makes it more difficult to resist the temptation to indulge in an affair that could wreck the marriage.

Physiological and psychological patterns of human sexuality

Stages of sexual arousal prior to sexual intercourse

Males and females exhibit different patterns of sexual arousal. In a dating situation, typically the man feels a physical attraction towards the the woman and wants to touch and kiss. The women tends to want to connect emotionally rather than physically; she may feel a sentimental longing for her partner and other intense feelings.

At a certain point of greater intimacy, the positions will be exchanged. The woman will now feel the desire for physical touch on top of her emotional feelings while the male will experience the more emotional longing along with the physical. Both will progress to a more overtly sexual desire if they allow their relationship to progress.

Sexual desire presents a profound challenge of the mind to overcome the body. Males are chiefly tempted by sexual desire to disregard a young woman’s heart and to focus on her body as an object of pleasure. Females may be tempted to use sex as a way to hold onto a male as an object of security. It is said that men tend to regard love as the way to get sex and women tend to use sex as the way to get love.

In any case, increasing the time spent together between two members of the opposite sex will always invite the emergence of sexual attraction and sexual feelings. Once arousal begins, it is extremely difficult to stop. This is why prudent couples do not give themselves the opportunity to be alone. They recognize the signs of stimulation and take a step backwards.

The stages of sexual activity may take place over a long period of time or a short one, according to the partners’ decisions. Walking and talking together leads to holding hands. A simple kiss progresses to prolonged kissing and petting. Long spells of embracing and kissing will likely bring on strong arousal in the male. Touching the private areas of the body will cause strong arousal in the female. Involvement of the sexual organs directly will prompt intense impulses to actually engage in sexual intercourse.

Psychological changes after consummation

The consummation of sexual intercourse irrevocably changes the nature of the relationship. If the couple is married, sexual intercourse is a confirmation and celebration of their mutual love and commitment.

Complete conjugal love includes four elements: compatibility, intimacy, commitment and passion. Compatibility—shared interests, values and goals—is the objective foundation for a relationship. Commitment is volitional, the decision to care, to be faithful, to persevere through hard times. Intimacy is the feeling of closeness and connectedness. Sexual passion at its best supports and celebrates the other three elements, leading to a high degree of satisfaction.

However, when one or more of these elements are lacking, sexual passion usually accentuates the sense of incompleteness in the relationship. For instance, romantic love includes intimacy and passion but no commitment. This is a common experience during youth. Like “Romeo and Juliet,” there is physical arousal and a feeling of closeness but no real promise has been made. Infatuation has passion only, an entrancing sexual attraction with neither intimacy nor commitment. This is “love at first sight” and is characterized by preoccupation with the other person, extreme ups and downs of feelings and an intense longing to be with the object of desire. In both cases, compatibility may be thin or nonexistent.

Commitment is generally signified by marriage or plans to marry. Where there is no commitment, intercourse will usually have negative consequences for the relationship, especially if it occurs early on. Sexual involvement can create a false sense of intimacy that can easily replace real communication and other activities that foster authentic intimacy. It focuses both partners on the physical, which lends itself to mutual or one-sided exploitation. The often subtle escalation of selfishness that physical intimacy brings increases jealousy and possessiveness. Often one partner can sense something is wrong and want to stop the sexual intimacy or even the relationship, but this is difficult. Sexual relations imply an obligation, and the relationship may begin to feel like a trap. Guilt, fear of pregnancy or disease, shame before one’s conscience or parents—these can generate an undercurrent of tension that gnaws at the relationship.

Changes in sexual satisfaction over time

When two people fall in love and engage in a sexual relationship, they begin to include their partners in their concepts of themselves. People feel like they acquire new capabilities because they have the support of close partners. "I might not be able to handle parenthood by myself, but with the help of my partner's good parenting skills, I'll be a good parent." This overlap of the concepts of self and partner has been called "self-expansion."

People generally experience a high level of self-expansion at the beginning of relationships when they constantly learn new things about themselves and their partners. Rapid self-expansion pushes satisfaction to very high levels. However, as the relationship matures, the rate of self-expansion slows, and people experience a relative decline in satisfaction.

After couples are married or have lived together for a time, they face the inevitability of arguments and conflict. Couples who deal poorly with arguments and conflict build up a history of negative emotional interactions that erodes satisfaction; it can also negatively affect their sex life.

How well couples handle conflict and stress depends on their vulnerabilities, the kinds of stresses they face, and their processes of adaptation. Couples who handle conflict and stress poorly become less and less satisfied with their relationships over time. Those who succeed in dealing with conflict, through mutual support and good communication, on the other hand, develop deep trust and closeness in their relationship. Such relationships result in greater satisfaction and long-lasting happiness that is qualitatively different from the excitement of the early stages of a relationship.

Mastery of sexual desire

Mastery of one’s sexual desire is a potent sign of respect for oneself and the other and an indication of the self-discipline and maturity needed for a successful marriage and family.

Sexual attraction is fueled by a person's hormones and the scent of pheromones emitted by the partner. Once the progression of arousal reaches a certain point it is next to impossible to stop. This is why it is wise for couples who seek to cultivate an authentic relationship to set boundaries limiting physical intimacy to prevent sexual arousal. If these are clear from the outset, both companions can feel freer to enjoy each other’s company. Boundaries keep the relationship honest and help avoid embarrassing situations where one must stop the other’s advances, or possibly one’s own.

Social and cultural aspects

Human sexual behavior is typically influenced, or heavily affected by norms from the culture. There are both explicit and implicit rules governing sexual expression. Examples of the former are prohibitions of extramarital sexual intercourse or homosexual acts in societies where traditional religion still holds sway. Implicit rules have to do with cultural expectations such as dress, colors and behaviors. Culture influences gender-specific dress; thus Western media portrays little boys wearing blue shorts and play with a toy truck, while girls wear pink and play with dolls.

There is no absolute borderline between the sexual and nonsexual enjoyment of touching, hand-holding, kissing or embracing someone else's body. For example, in Asia it is common to see men holding hands as an expression of non-sexual friendship, but in America male hand-holding would be interpreted as signifying a homosexual relationship. Sexual intercourse involving the genitals is universally regarded as sexual contact, but there is a wide range of other behaviors that may or may not be socially, legally, or ethically considered as sexual relations. The distinction between the sexual and the nonsexual becomes relevant in judging appropriate behavior, in either a social setting or in the eyes of the law.

This raises the issue of media influence. Movies and advertising are saturated with sexuality, shaping more than ever before the environments in which we live. Sexuality in the media is often distilled often into stereotypes and then repeatedly expressed in commercialized forms.

Sometimes a society's norms and cultural expectations do not reflect the sexual inclinations of certain individuals. Those who wish to express a dissident sexuality have to form sub-cultures within the main culture where they feel free to express their sexuality with like-minded partners (or in the case of monastics, in celibate groups).

Some people engage in various sexual activities as a business transaction. When this involves having sex with, or performing certain sexual acts for, another person, it is called prostitution. Other aspects of the "adult industry" include pornography on the Internet or films, telephone sex, strip clubs, exotic dancers, and the like. Most societies view these activities as disreputable and attempt to control or prohibit them, at least as regards children. Some of these activities have been shown to have negative effects on marriage, and they can fall under similar moral strictures as other extra-marital sex.

Sexual dysfunction

A variety of psychological and physiological circumstances can impair human sexual function. These manifestations can be in the form of libido diminution or performance limitations. Both male and female can suffer from libido reduction, which can have roots in stress, loss of intimacy, distraction or derive from medical conditions.

Performance limitations may most often affect the male in the form of erectile dysfunction. Biological causes of ED may derive from the pathology of cardiovascular disease, which can reduce penile blood flow along with supply of blood to various parts of the body. Environmental stressors such as prolonged exposure to elevated sound levels or over-illumination can also induce cardiovascular changes especially if exposure is chronic.

Sexually transmitted diseases

Sexual behavior can be a dangerous disease vector. Sexual behaviors that involve exchange of bodily fluids with another person entail some risk of transmission of sexually transmitted disease.

Due to health concerns arising from HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV and other sexually transmitted disease (STDs), some people may want potential sex partners to be tested for STDs before engaging in sex.

Safe sex is a relevant harm reduction philosophy. Monogamy is also espoused, however, practicing safe sex with many committed partners, referred to as serial monogamy or polyamory, is just as safe through the use of a condom.

Coercive and abusive sexuality

Nearly all civilized societies consider it a serious crime to force someone to engage in sexual behavior or to engage in sexual behavior with someone who does not consent. This is called sexual assault, and if sexual penetration occurs it is called rape, the most serious kind of sexual assault. Other forms of abusive sexuality include child sexual abuse, incest, indecent phone calls, and non-consensual exhibitionism (indecent exposure) and voyeurism.

Precisely what constitutes effective consent to have sex varies from culture to culture and is frequently debated in courts of law. In particular, the law recognizes that children should be protected from sexuality, which when forced upon them can result in lasting trauma. Hence the law may set a minimum age at which a person can consent to have sex (see age of consent).

Date rape

The issue of consent arises when considering one of the most common forms of sexual abuse—date rape. The recent attention given to this issue emerged as part of the growing willingness to acknowledge and address domestic violence and the rights of women in general. Date rape, sometimes called acquaintance rape, began to rise to the public consciousness in the early 1980's, spurred by the research done by psychologist Mary Koss and her colleagues which was popularized in Ms. magazine in 1985. By debunking the belief that unwanted sexual advances and intercourse were not rape if they occurred with an acquaintance or while on a date, Koss compelled women to reexamine their own experiences. Many women were thus able to reframe what had happened to them as acquaintance rape and recognize that they were indeed victims of a crime.

These coercive encounters often go unreported. Often the male plies the female with alcohol to reduce her inhibitions and then coerces her to his bed. He may apply verbal pressure, sometimes even menacingly so. He may even employ a so-called date rape drug, either GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid), Rohypnol (flunitrazepam), or Ketamine (ketamine hydrochloride). They can be slipped into a drink to render the victim senseless or unable to resist; often the victim has no memory of what happened.

High-profile legal cases such as the Mike Tyson/Desiree Washington and William Kennedy Smith/Patricia Bowman trials have brought the issue of acquaintance rape into living rooms across America. Another trial which received national attention involved a group of teenage boys in New Jersey who sodomized and sexually assaulted a mildly retarded 17-year old female classmate. In each of these cases, the legal definition of consent was the central issue of the trial. Increased awareness of sexual coercion and acquaintance rape has thus been accompanied by important legal decisions and changes in legal definitions of rape.

Acquaintance rape remains a controversial topic because of lack of agreement upon the definition of consent. In an attempt to clarify this definition, in 1994, Antioch College in Ohio adopted what has become an infamous policy delineating consensual sexual behavior. The primary reason this policy has stirred such an uproar is that the definition of consent is based on continuous verbal communication during intimacy. The person initiating the contact must take responsibility for obtaining the other participant's verbal consent as the level of sexual intimacy increases. This must occur with each new level. The rules also state that "If you have had a particular level of sexual intimacy before with someone, you must still ask each and every time." Predictably, legalistic policies like this were widely lampooned for reducing the spontaneity of sexual intimacy to what seemed like an artificial contractual agreement.

Sexual harassment

Sexual harassment is also abusive sexuality. It occurs in a workplace or school environment where a person in a position of authority makes sexual advances on a subordinate. The coercive element is the implicit threat that the subordinate might be penalized for not complying with these advances. Sexual harassment can also occur when co-workers mock and deride a new employee with sexual language.

Another form of abuse is the use of sexual language to demean women. While this has been a traditional pastime among men in private settings, in recent years, Hip-hop artists and radio talk-show hosts called "shock jocks" have used coarse and demeaning language on the public airwaves, denigrating women as sex objects and denying them their inherent dignity.

Society and politics

Sex education

Sex education is the introduction of sexual topics within an educational context. Almost all western countries have some form of sex education, but the nature varies widely. In some countries (such as Australia and much of Europe) "age-appropriate" sex education often begins in pre-school, whereas other countries (notably the USA) leave sex education to the teenage years and even the late teenage years. Sex education covers a whole range of topics from "where do babies come from?," contraception, abstinence, signs of sexual diseases, and the social and psychological implications of sexual relationships and on through the subject of sexual identity.

Study of sexuality

In contemporary academia, sexuality is studied in the fields of sexology and gender and sexuality studies, among many other fields.

Template:Cleanup

This article is about sex acts and practices (i.e., physical sex). Broader aspects of sexual behaviour such as social and psychological sexual issues are covered in related articles such as human sexuality, heterosexuality, and homosexuality.

Sexual activity in humans is a natural form of physical intimacy. It may be performed for the purposes of biological reproduction, spiritual transcendence, expressing affection, and/or for pleasure and enjoyment (known in this context as "sexual gratification"). The desire to have sex is one of the basic drives of human behavior. Every sexually reproductive animal species, and every human culture, has a range of conduct used in courtship, intimacy, and sexual activity.

Human sexual behavior is therefore the behaviors that human beings use when seeking sexual or relational partners, gaining approval of possible partners, forming relationships, showing sexual desire, and coitus.

It covers at least two major areas: anthropology (common or accepted practices across different cultures), and informational (background which is useful to individuals who may be engaged in, or considering, sexual activity).

Aspects of human sexual behavior

Scope

Sexual behavior is a very broad expression. It covers both common and less common behaviours, and includes a wide range of sexual behaviors from marital relationships to sexual abuse. Although in many cases sexual behavior is directed towards or within a relationship, this is not necessarily of the case and much sexual behavior is not.

Sexuality and sensuality

Some criteria that may be applied are:

• the body parts involved (see also intimate parts)
• physical signs of sexual arousal
• subjective feeling

Enjoying touching someone else's body implies enjoying one's own body also; the latter may also happen without another person; enjoying one's own body also may or may not be of a sexual nature. If it is, it is called autoeroticism.

The whole of one's sexual activities (including erotic dreams and waking sexual fantasies and daydreams) is called one's sex life.

Social norms and rules

Human sexual behavior, like many other kinds of activity engaged in by human beings, is generally governed by social rules that are culturally specific and vary widely (see sexual morality, sexual norms).

Some activities are illegal in some jurisdictions, including those conducted between (or among) consenting and competent adults (see sex crime, sodomy law, incest). Scientific studies suggest sexual fantasy, even of unusual interests, is usually a healthy activity.

Types of partnership

Sexual partners can cover many types, including:

• One-night stand
• Casual relationship (friends with benefits)
• Boyfriend or girlfriend
• Marriage or other committed long term relationship
• Illicit affairs
• Secondary or side relationships
• Prostitutes

Any of these may be explicit or hidden, deceptive or honest, legal or illegal, and may include fidelity or not.

It is also possible to engage in sexual activity without a partner, or (in some cases) without a knowing partner:

• Masturbation
• Sexual fantasizing
• Several paraphilias (transvestic fetishism, voyeurism, frotteurism, and so on)

Sexual relationships

A key sexual behavior throughout the entire animal kingdom is the seeking of a sex partner. Humans are no exception to this rule. A sexual encounter can be the result of the sending signals indicating readiness for sex, and being receptive to reciprocal signals. Or, it might be the result of years of planning, through the use of cultural rituals such as courtship and marriage.

Common methods:

• Arranged partnership - other adults (often parents) choose partners. In some cultures these are suggestions, in others, they carry the force of commands.
• Personal choice - a person chooses for themselves their own partner, according to their own wishes
• Status based roles - a high status person in some cultures may choose partners backed by the force of social custom, and low status persons have little or no choice or expectation of avoiding the same. (For example, some employer-employee liaisons, and droit de seigneur)
• Mutual trade - prostitution, or "both gain" type of arrangements.

Additionally, the pool of available and acceptable candidates may be limited, to own town, own religion, similar status, tactically advantageous (eg to cement social bonds or make peace), and so on.

The search for a partner

Locating and identifying potential partners

Industries devoted to enabling sex or sexual communication include nightclubs, singles bars, personal want ads (in newspapers and on the web), dating services, and brothels, among many others. Many organizations and clubs sponsor events that bring people with similar interests together. Religious and family connections provide another way for people to meet.

The encounter between potential partners

Once a person has located another person with whom they desire to have sex, the first thing usually done is to introduce themselves or position themselves in such a way that he or she will introduce himself or herself, or to non verbally demonstrate their sexual availability and interest to the person in question. This is usually not simple, and can be quite awkward.

Potential problems

The fear of rejection

The fear of rejection is common when trying to befriend a potential partner. If the participants are both sensitive to the other's signals, then they can detect quickly whether their sexual objectives are mutual. However, misreading another person's signals is a common occurence, and can lead to misunderstandings/disappoinment, and as such, this is a huge detractor in the stakes of relationships, and so many relationships are consigned to fantasies based on this fear. It is worth noting that some people consume alcohol, sometimes to excess, in order to "smooth things down," i.e, overcome this fear . If they discover soon enough that their objectives are at odds with one another, then a conversation can end before either one loses face, and then each person can seek others with whom to communicate. On the other hand, if the communication results in an escalating sense of intimacy for both participants, then a degree of trust is established that mitigates the fear of rejection.

Sexual activity and lifestyles

Different-gender sexuality

Different-gender sexuality involves two individuals of different genders. People who engage exclusively in different-gender sexual practices do not necessarily identify themselves as straight or heterosexual, though (unlike homosexual for same-gender sexual practices) most definitions of "heterosexual" would include them despite varying levels of activity, frequency, and interest. In fact, they may identify themselves as straight or heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual. Likewise, an individual who practices both same and different sex sexual behavior may identify himself or herself as gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, or asexual.

Though often associated with gay men, anal sex is a common different-gender sexual practice.^{[citation needed]} The anus is "tighter" than the vagina and thus may be preferable to the male during penetration; additionally, many people enjoy flouting cultural sexual taboos. Anal sex is not advisable as birth control as it is still possible, though unlikely, for semen to enter the vagina. Different-gender anal sex is also often practiced where the woman penetrates the man with a strap-on dildo, known as pegging.

Different-sex sexual practices are limited by laws in many places. United States marriage laws may serve the purpose of encouraging people to only have sex (and children) within marriage. Sodomy laws were seen as encouraging different-sex sexual practices. Laws also ban adults from committing sexual abuse, committing sexual acts with anyone under an age of consent, performing sexual activities in public, and engaging in sexual activities for money (prostitution). Though these laws all cover same-sex sexual activities, they may differ with regards to punishment, and may be more frequently (or exclusively) enforced on those who engage in same-sex sexual activities. Laws also control the making and viewing of pornography, including pornography which portrays different-sex sexual activities.

Courtship, or dating, is the process through which some people choose potential sexual and/or marital partners. Among straight (presumably middle class) teenagers and adolescents in the mid-20th century in America, dating was something one could do with multiple people before choosing to "go steady" with only one, the eventual goal being either sex, marriage, or both. More recently dating has become what going steady was and the latter term has fallen into disuse.

Different-sex sexual practices may be monogamous, serially monogamous, or polyamorous, and, depending on the definition of sexual practice, abstinent or autoerotic (including masturbation).

Different moral and political movements have waged for changes in different-sex sexual practices including courting and marriage, though in all countries, changes are usually made only at a slow rate. Especially in the USA, campaigns have often sparked and been fueled by moral panic. There, movements to discourage same-sex sexual practices often claim to be strengthening different-sex sexual practices within marriage, such as Defense of Marriage Act and the proposed Federal Marriage Amendment.

Same-gender sexuality

Same-gender sexuality involves two individuals of the same gender. It is possible for homosexual acts to be committed by those who self-identify as heterosexual; e.g., mutual masturbation in the context of what may be considered "normal" heterosexual teen development. Homosexual people who pretend to lead a life of heterosexuality are often referred to as living "closeted" lives, that is, they hide their sexuality in the "closet." The term "closet case" is a derogatory term used to refer to another homosexual that hides his or her homosexuality, and "coming out" or "outing" refer to making that orientation (semi-) public voluntarily, or as an action by others, respectively.

The definition of homosexuality is a sexual attraction to members of one's own sex, though people who engage exclusively in same-sex sexual practices may not identify themselves as gay or lesbian. However, the degree of attraction complies with the varying levels of frequency, willingness, and/or interest. In sex-segregated environments, individuals may seek sex with others of their own gender (known as situational homosexuality). In other cases, some people may experiment or explore their sexuality with same (and/or different) gender sexual activity before defining their sexual identity. Health campaigns and officials often seek to target self-identified "straight" or bisexual men who have sex with men (MSM) as opposed to self-identified "gay" or homosexual men.

Despite stereotypes and common misconceptions, there are no forms of sexual activity exclusive to same-gender sexual behavior that can not also be found in opposite-gender sexual behavior, save those involving contact of the same sex genitalia such as tribadism and frot.

Among some sectors of African-Americans (called "men on the DL" or "down-low"), same-sex sexual behavior is sometimes viewed as solely for physical pleasure. Men on the "down-low" may engage in regular (though often covert) sex acts with other men while continuing sexual and romantic relationships with women. These men often shun the more commonly-known "gay" as a term applying to stereotypically flamboyant and effeminate men of European ancestry there, a group from which some may wish to distance themselves.

Auto-erotic sexuality

Autoeroticism is sexual activity that does not involve another person as partner. It can involve masturbation, though several paraphilias do not require a partner.

Though many autoerotic practices are relatively safe, some can be dangerous. These include autoerotic asphyxiation and self-bondage. The potential for injury or even death that exists while engaging in the partnered versions of these fetishes (choking and bondage, respectively) becomes drastically increased due to the isolation and lack of assistance in the event of a problem.

Alternative sexuality

A number of so-called alternative sexualities exist. These are usually based upon individual choice. They range from the broadly accepted or tolerated, through to the highly controversial and illegal.

Examples of these less common or alternative sexualities include BDSM activities where dominance and submission activities are central features of sexual activity, through to zoosexuality where the partner in a long term relationship is of another species.

Legal issues related to sexual behavior

This article examines how human sexuality and sexual behavior interacts with, and is regulated by, human laws.

In general the law proscribes acts which are considered either sexual abuse, or inappropriate behavior against the social norms, within a given culture. In addition certain categories of activity, may be considered crimes even if freely consented to. Thus sex and the law varies from place to place.

Sexual acts which are prohibited by law in a jurisdiction, are also called sex crimes.

Age of consent

Many cultures, and all developed cultures, have established an age of consent, an age at which even if consent is given, sexual activity by an older person with a person under that age will be punished severely. The aim of an age of consent law is to protect and care for impressionable young people as they develop and mature, since people are thought to suffer lasting negative emotional and physical effects as a result of sexual activity.

Sex crimes

Sex crimes are forms of human sexual behavior that are crimes. Someone who commits one is said to be a sex offender. Some sex crimes are crimes of violence that involve sex. Others are violations of social taboos, such as incest, indecent exposure or exhibitionism. There is much variation among cultures as to what is considered a crime or not, and in what ways or to what extent crimes are punished.

Western cultures are often far more tolerant of acts, such as oral sex or cross-dressing, that have traditionally been held to be crimes in some other cultures, but combine this with lesser tolerance for the remaining crimes. By contrast, many cultures with a strong religious tradition consider a far broader range of activities to be serious crimes.

As a general rule, the law in many countries often intervenes in sexual activity involving young or adolescent children below the legal age of consent, nonconsensual deliberate displays or illicit watching of sexual activity, sex with close relatives ("incest"), harm to animals, acts involving the deceased, and also when there is harassment, nuisance, fear, injury, or assault of a sexual nature, or serious risk of abuse of certain professional relationships. Separately, it also usually regulates or controls the censorship of pornographic or obscene material.

Common sex crimes

The activities listed below often carry a condition of illegality if acted upon, though they may usually be legally role-played between consenting partners:

• Rape, lust murder and other forms of sexual assault and sexual abuse
• Child sexual abuse
• Statutory rape
• Frotteurism: sexual arousal through rubbing one's self against a non-consenting stranger in public
• Exhibitionism and voyeurism, if deliberate and non-consensual, called "indecent exposure" and "peeping tom" respectively in this context.
• Incest between close relatives - laws on what is permitted and not permitted vary widely.
• Telephone scatologia: being sexually aroused by making obscene telephone calls
• Sex with animals
• Sexual harassment
• Sexual acts by people in a position of trust (such as teachers, doctors and police officers), towards any person they are involved with professionally.
• Extra-maritial relations are illegal in many places. In Islamic law, it is illegal under the term Zina.

A variety of laws protect children by making various acts with children a sex crime. These can include Age of Consent laws, laws preventing the exposure of children to pornography, laws making it a crime for a child to be involved in (or exposed to) certain sexual behaviors, and laws against child grooming and the production and ownership of child pornography (including simulated images).

Non-consensual sadomasochistic acts may legally constitute assault, and therefore belong in this list. In addition, some jurisdictions criminalize some or all sadomasochistic acts, regardless of legal consent and impose liability for any injuries caused. (See Consent (BDSM) )

Acts which may be regarded as crimes in some areas

Many consensual sexual actions or activities which are widely permitted (or not criminalized) in one place, may none the less be viewed as crimes (often of a serious nature) in other places.

The clearest example of this is homosexuality which varies from being legally protected and capable of marriage (See: Gay marriage) in some countries, through to obtaining the death penalty in others. Other examples include:

• Adultery
• Anal sex or other same sex sexual acts
• Masturbation
• Nudity/Streaking
• Oral sex
• Various Paraphilias/Fetishes (Sexual) such as transvestitism
• Pornography
• Prostitution and/or pimping
• Ownership of vibrators and other sex toys
• Public urination
• Stealing underwear - Although stealing is always a crime, men's stealing of women's underwear or vice-versa is sometimes regarded as more serious than stealing same-sex underwear.

Sodomy and same sex laws

Various forms of same-gender sexual activity have been prohibited under law in many areas at different times in history. In 2003, the Lawrence v Texas United States Supreme Court decision overturned all such laws in the US.

Usually, though not always, such laws are termed sodomy laws, but also include issues such as age of consent laws, "decency" laws, and so forth. Laws prohibiting same-gender sexuality have varied widely throughout history, varying by culture, religious and social taboos and customs, etc. Often such laws are targeted or applied differently based on gender as well. For example, laws against same-gender sexual behavior in England during the reign of Queen Victoria, sodomy or "buggery" laws were aimed specifically at male same-gender sexual activity and did not target or even address female homosexuality. A well known example of such laws applied in modern times can be found in Alan Turing.

External links

• Francoeur, Robert T. (ed.), The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality full text
• Haeberle, Erwin J., [http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/GESUND/ARCHIV/SEN/INDEX.HTM Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia. Edited by Erwin J. Haeberle.

Original editors: Vern L. Bullough and Bonnie Bullough] [full text]

• University of California, Santa Barbara's SexInfo
• Janssen, D. F., Growing Up Sexually. Volume I. World Reference Atlas [full text]
• Program in Human Sexuality Studies
• National Sexuality Resource Center
• American Sexuality Magazine
• Association of Reproductive Health Professionals
• History of Surveys of Sexual Behavior from Encyclopedia of Behavioral Statistics
• Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health Center for Communication Programs (JHUCCP) creates behavior change communication programs related to Reproductive Health in developing countries.
• POPLINE is a searchable database of the world's reproductive health literature.
• Sex education - preschoolers
• Private Sector Partnerships USAID project focused on increasing the private sector's role in providing high-quality health products and services in developing countries.
• The South and Southeast Asia Resource Centre on Sexuality
• The Sexuality and Rights Institute
• Sex and Sexuality in the 21st Century:How and Why We Got There

This article traces a series of issues related to sexuality and changing values regarding sexuality from post-WWII to the present.

Surveys

• NEW Survey about Sexual Desire The sexual desire as a significant aspect of the Human Sexual Behavior

Examples of laws in various localities:

• California
• Canada
• PDF
• UK laws regarding prostitution updated for 2006

Credits

New World Encyclopedia writers and editors rewrote and completed the Wikipedia article in accordance with New World Encyclopedia standards. This article abides by terms of the Creative Commons CC-by-sa 3.0 License (CC-by-sa), which may be used and disseminated with proper attribution. Credit is due under the terms of this license that can reference both the New World Encyclopedia contributors and the selfless volunteer contributors of the Wikimedia Foundation. To cite this article click here for a list of acceptable citing formats.The history of earlier contributions by wikipedians is accessible to researchers here:

• Human_sexuality  ^history
• Human_sexual_behavior  ^history
• Sex_and_the_law  ^history

The history of this article since it was imported to New World Encyclopedia:

• History of "Human sexuality"

Note: Some restrictions may apply to use of individual images which are separately licensed.