Sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among brothers and sisters, blood-related or not.

Origins

80% of people in Western countries have at least one sibling, and siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family.

According to observational studies by Judy Dunn, children are sensitive from the age of one year to differences in parental treatment. From 18 months on siblings can understand family rules and know how to comfort and hurt each other. By three years old, children have a sophisticated grasp of social rules, can evaluate themselves in relation to their siblings, and know how to adapt to circumstances within the family.

Studies have found that of sister/sister pairs are the closest and brother/brother pairs are the most rivalrous, with identical male twins the most competitive of all. Parental and societal expections of males may lead to more competitiveness and a greater degree of comparison between brothers, as opposed to between sisters or opposite-sex siblings.

Sibling relationships can change dramatically over the years. Events such as a parent’s illness may bring siblings closer together, whereas marriage may drive them apart, particularly if the in-law relationship is strained. Approximately one-third of adults describe their relationship with siblings as rivalrous or distant. However, rivalry often lessens over time and at least 80 percent of siblings over age 60 enjoy close ties^[1].

Sibling rivalry is not unique to Western culture. For example, the Sudanese have a saying: "I against my brother; my brother and I against my cousin; I, my brother, and my cousin against the stranger".

Psychoanalytic view

Sigmund Freud saw the sibling relationship as an extension of the Oedipus complex, where brothers were in competition for their mother's attention and sisters for their fathers^[2]. Alfred Adler saw siblings as "striving for significance" within the family and felt that birth order was an important aspect of personality development. David Levy introduced the term "sibling rivalry" in 1941, claiming that for an older sibling "the aggressive response to the new baby is so typical that it is safe to say it is a common feature of family life."^[3]

Evolutionary psychology view

Evolutionary psychologists such as Robert Trivers explain sibling rivalry in terms of parental investment and parent-offspring conflict. Parents are inclined to spread their resources over all their children, whereas a child would like all those resources to himself. So the parent tries to encourage the children to share, but often meets resistance. Children share half of their genes with siblings, so they have some motivation to feel positively towards brothers and sisters. This may explain the mixed feelings that siblings sometimes have towards each other.^[4]

Animals

Sibling rivalry is common among various animal species, in the form of competition for food and parental attention. An extreme type of sibling rivalry occurs when young animals kill their siblings, as often happens among eagles and hyenas ^[5].

Sibling relationships in animals are not always competitive. For example, among wolves, older siblings help to feed and guard the young ^[6].

Famous sibling rivalry instances

The Bible contains many examples of sibling rivalry:

Cain and Abel
Jacob and Esau
Leah and Rachel
Joseph and his brothers
Moses and his brother and sister

The complex relationship between siblings has provided a rich source of material for fiction:

The Taming of the Shrew (Shakespeare): Katherine and Bianca
Sense and Sensibility (Jane Austen): Elinor and Marianne Dashwood
East of Eden (John Steinbeck): Cal and Aran Trask
Arthur (Marc Brown): Arthur and D.W. Read
The Godfather (Mario Puzo): Sonny, Fredo, and Michael Corleone
In Her Shoes (Jennifer Weiner): Rose and Maggie
The Simpsons: Bart and Lisa Simpson
Frasier: Frasier and Niles Crane
Friends: Ross and Monica Geller
Malcolm in the Middle: The Brothers; Mostly Malcolm and Reese
Arrested Development: Michael and Gob Bluth
Married... with Children: Bud and Kelly
The Brady Bunch: The Brady kids
Drake and Josh: Drake and Megan Parker and Josh Nichols
Family Guy: Chris and Meg
Even Stevens: Louis and Ren, Louis and Donnie
Inuyasha: Sesshomaru and InuYasha
Hey Arnold!: Helga and Olga Pataki.

Real life examples of sibling rivalry include:

Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine
Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren
Christopher and Peter Hitchens
Liam and Noel Gallagher (Oasis)
Asha Bhosle and Lata Mangeshkar
Venus and Serena Williams

References
ISBN links support NWE through referral fees

^ Adult Sibling Rivalry
^ Freud Lecture: Juliet Mitchell, 2003
^ The Hostile Act David M. Levy (1941) First published in Psychological Review, 48, 356-361.
^ Sibling Rivalry in Degree and Dimensions Across the Lifespan
^ Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Human Behavior
^ Mothers and Others

External links

How to stop sibling rivalry by Virginia K. Molgaard
Sibling rivalry: You vs. Them
Living with your teenager: Dealing with Sibling rivalry
Siblings in Conflict Film and Text (in German)

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