Difference between revisions of "Sibling rivalry" - New World Encyclopedia
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Studies have found that sister/sister pairs are the closest and brother/brother pairs are the most rivalrous, moreso when they are closer in age, with identical male twins the most competitive of all. Parental and societal expectations of males may lead to more competitiveness and a greater degree of comparison between brothers, as opposed to between sisters or opposite-sex siblings. | Studies have found that sister/sister pairs are the closest and brother/brother pairs are the most rivalrous, moreso when they are closer in age, with identical male twins the most competitive of all. Parental and societal expectations of males may lead to more competitiveness and a greater degree of comparison between brothers, as opposed to between sisters or opposite-sex siblings. | ||
| − | + | ||
| − | The process, known as dethronement, | + | The process, known as dethronement, {{ref|jones}} occurs when the older child feels they must now share their love with someone else. It is not initially hatred but a sense of unsettlement and grieving over the loss of position as the parent's sole object of love and attention. In his book, {{ref|reit}} Seymour Reit says that among children the deepest need, the greatest hunger, is to receive love from their caretaker. Because of this dependence, young siblings sometimes fear that love given by parents to others will mena love withheld from themselve. The firstborn's reaction to the birth of a new sibling is a change in behavior that is either aggressive ore regressive. Typical aggressive behaviors include hitting, pinching, attempting to lift the baby off the parent's lap, covering the baby with a blanket to name a few. Regressive behaviors include problems with toilet training or bedwetting, using a bottle for feeding after being weaned, thumb sucking or use of apacifier, temper tantrums, demanding behavior or clinging. |
Sibling relationships can change dramatically over the years. Events such as a parent’s illness may bring siblings closer together, whereas marriage may drive them apart, particularly if the in-law relationship is strained. Approximately one-third of adults describe their relationship with siblings as rivalrous or distant. However, rivalry often lessens over time and at least 80 percent of siblings over age 60 enjoy close ties{{ref|psychology}}. | Sibling relationships can change dramatically over the years. Events such as a parent’s illness may bring siblings closer together, whereas marriage may drive them apart, particularly if the in-law relationship is strained. Approximately one-third of adults describe their relationship with siblings as rivalrous or distant. However, rivalry often lessens over time and at least 80 percent of siblings over age 60 enjoy close ties{{ref|psychology}}. | ||
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==Decreasing sibling rivalry== | ==Decreasing sibling rivalry== | ||
| − | According to the Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) Program, the key to decreasing sibling rivaly lies in making each feel valuable, important, and a cherished member of the family. | + | According to the Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) Program, the key to decreasing sibling rivaly lies in making each child feel valuable, important, and a cherished member of the family. |
| − | People are decision-making social beings whose main goal in life is to belong. Each of us strives continually to find and maintain a place of significance. Choosing how you belong is a powerful motivation! | + | :People are decision-making social beings whose main goal in life is to belong. Each of us strives continually to find and maintain a place of significance. Choosing how you belong is a powerful motivation!{{ref|dinkmeyer}} |
| + | Through the parents' love for his brothers and sisters, a child learns to love them as well. A son's respect for his sister is learned by observing the parents' respect for her; a daughter's respect for her brother is likewise learned. The parents love endows each child with value that is worthy of respect. This is the starting point for children to learn empathy, caring, sharing and giving. Dr. T. Berry Brazelton expressed | ||
| + | :Sibling rivalry can be a major spur in children's learning to live together, learning how to share, how to win victories and suffer defeats, how to love and how to cope with their own unloving feelings.{{ref|brazelton}} | ||
==References== | ==References== | ||
| + | #{{note|jones}} Betsy and Farley Jones, ''Children of Peace''. (Publisher: Holy Spirit Association., 1997 ISBN 0910621845) | ||
| + | #{{note|reit}} Seymour Reit, ''Sibling Rivalry'' (Publisher: Ballantine Books (1988ASIN: B000OVY3U8) | ||
#{{note|psychology}}[http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19930101-000023.html Adult Sibling Rivalry] | #{{note|psychology}}[http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19930101-000023.html Adult Sibling Rivalry] | ||
#{{note|freud}} [http://www.freud-museum.at/e/inhalt/wissenJulietMitchell2003.html Freud Lecture: Juliet Mitchell, 2003] | #{{note|freud}} [http://www.freud-museum.at/e/inhalt/wissenJulietMitchell2003.html Freud Lecture: Juliet Mitchell, 2003] | ||
| Line 82: | Line 86: | ||
#{{note|sulloway}}[http://www.sulloway.org/Holcomb.pdf Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Human Behavior] by Frank J. Sulloway, University of Berkeley | #{{note|sulloway}}[http://www.sulloway.org/Holcomb.pdf Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Human Behavior] by Frank J. Sulloway, University of Berkeley | ||
#{{note|naturalhistory}}[http://www.naturalhistorymag.com/0501/0501_feature.html Mothers and Others] | #{{note|naturalhistory}}[http://www.naturalhistorymag.com/0501/0501_feature.html Mothers and Others] | ||
| + | #{{note|dinkmeyer}} Don Dinkmeyer and Gary C. McKay, ''STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting)-The Parents Handbook'', (American Guidance Service, Minnesota, 1989 ISBN-13: 978-0785411888) | ||
| + | #{{note|brazelton}} T. Berry Brazelton, ''Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Way'', (Da Capo Lifelong Books; 1st Da Capo Press Ed edition, 2005 ISBN 978-0738210056) | ||
| + | |||
==External links== | ==External links== | ||
Revision as of 20:58, 25 June 2007
Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among brothers and sisters, blood-related or not. It is a predictable, normal and helathy response of an older child to the birth of a new brother or sister because the older child feels threatened by the new member of the family.
Origins
80% of people in Western countries have at least one sibling, and siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family.
According to observational studies by Judy Dunn, children are sensitive from the age of one year to differences in parental treatment. From 18 months on siblings can understand family rules and know how to comfort and hurt each other. By three years old, children have a sophisticated grasp of social rules, can evaluate themselves in relation to their siblings, and know how to adapt to circumstances within the family.
Studies have found that sister/sister pairs are the closest and brother/brother pairs are the most rivalrous, moreso when they are closer in age, with identical male twins the most competitive of all. Parental and societal expectations of males may lead to more competitiveness and a greater degree of comparison between brothers, as opposed to between sisters or opposite-sex siblings.
The process, known as dethronement, [1] occurs when the older child feels they must now share their love with someone else. It is not initially hatred but a sense of unsettlement and grieving over the loss of position as the parent's sole object of love and attention. In his book, [2] Seymour Reit says that among children the deepest need, the greatest hunger, is to receive love from their caretaker. Because of this dependence, young siblings sometimes fear that love given by parents to others will mena love withheld from themselve. The firstborn's reaction to the birth of a new sibling is a change in behavior that is either aggressive ore regressive. Typical aggressive behaviors include hitting, pinching, attempting to lift the baby off the parent's lap, covering the baby with a blanket to name a few. Regressive behaviors include problems with toilet training or bedwetting, using a bottle for feeding after being weaned, thumb sucking or use of apacifier, temper tantrums, demanding behavior or clinging.
Sibling relationships can change dramatically over the years. Events such as a parent’s illness may bring siblings closer together, whereas marriage may drive them apart, particularly if the in-law relationship is strained. Approximately one-third of adults describe their relationship with siblings as rivalrous or distant. However, rivalry often lessens over time and at least 80 percent of siblings over age 60 enjoy close ties[3].
Sibling rivalry is not unique to Western culture. For example, the Sudanese have a saying: "I against my brother; my brother and I against my cousin; I, my brother, and my cousin against the stranger".
Psychoanalytic view
Sigmund Freud saw the sibling relationship as an extension of the Oedipus complex, where brothers were in competition for their mother's attention and sisters for their fathers[4]. Alfred Adler saw siblings as "striving for significance" within the family and felt that birth order was an important aspect of personality development. David Levy introduced the term "sibling rivalry" in 1941, claiming that for an older sibling "the aggressive response to the new baby is so typical that it is safe to say it is a common feature of family life."[5]
Evolutionary psychology view
Evolutionary psychologists such as Robert Trivers explain sibling rivalry in terms of parental investment and parent-offspring conflict. Parents are inclined to spread their resources over all their children, whereas a child would like all those resources to himself. So the parent tries to encourage the children to share, but often meets resistance. Children share half of their genes with siblings, so they have some motivation to feel positively towards brothers and sisters. This may explain the mixed feelings that siblings sometimes have towards each other.[6]
Animals
Sibling rivalry is common among various animal species, in the form of competition for food and parental attention. An extreme type of sibling rivalry occurs when young animals kill their siblings, as often happens among eagles and hyenas [7].
Sibling relationships in animals are not always competitive. For example, among wolves, older siblings help to feed and guard the young [8].
Famous sibling rivalry instances
The Bible contains many examples of sibling rivalry:
- Cain and Abel
- Jacob and Esau
- Leah and Rachel
- Joseph and his brothers
- Moses and his brother and sister
The story of Cain and Abel, written in the Bible at Genesis 4, in the Torah, and Qur'an at 5:27-32, tells of the first human murder when Cain killed his brother Abel. They were the sons of Adam and Eve and the murder a result of their Fall. Many religious faiths view this as the prototypical murder and paradigm for conflict and violence. While some view this story as merely a story of the origin of humanity, and others as a justification of murder, it is generally interpreted as a tragedy in human relationships. Cain and Abel often represent different personality types or social positions. Cain represents the firstborn, sinful, worldly, privileged, a farmer, a city-builder and bad son. Abel represents the junior, faithful, spiritual, herdsman, and good son.
Social psychologists would view Cain's action as an example of the frustration-aggression hypothesis and advocate teaching non-violent responses to frustration. Unificationists teach that God equally loves both sons and desires the reconciliation of Cain and Abel. The resolution of Cain-Abel conflicts is a model for peace and conflict resolution generally.
The complex relationship between siblings has provided a rich source of material for fiction:
- The Taming of the Shrew (Shakespeare): Katherine and Bianca
- Sense and Sensibility (Jane Austen): Elinor and Marianne Dashwood
- East of Eden (John Steinbeck): Cal and Aran Trask
- Arthur (Marc Brown): Arthur and D.W. Read
- The Godfather (Mario Puzo): Sonny, Fredo, and Michael Corleone
- In Her Shoes (Jennifer Weiner): Rose and Maggie
- The Simpsons: Bart and Lisa Simpson
- Frasier: Frasier and Niles Crane
- Friends: Ross and Monica Geller
- Malcolm in the Middle: The Brothers; Mostly Malcolm and Reese
- Arrested Development: Michael and Gob Bluth
- Married... with Children: Bud and Kelly
- The Brady Bunch: The Brady kids
- Drake and Josh: Drake and Megan Parker and Josh Nichols
- Family Guy: Chris and Meg
- Even Stevens: Louis and Ren, Louis and Donnie
- Inuyasha: Sesshomaru and InuYasha
- Hey Arnold!: Helga and Olga Pataki.
Real life examples of sibling rivalry include:
- Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine
- Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren
- Christopher and Peter Hitchens
- Liam and Noel Gallagher (Oasis)
- Asha Bhosle and Lata Mangeshkar
- Venus and Serena Williams
Decreasing sibling rivalry
According to the Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) Program, the key to decreasing sibling rivaly lies in making each child feel valuable, important, and a cherished member of the family.
- People are decision-making social beings whose main goal in life is to belong. Each of us strives continually to find and maintain a place of significance. Choosing how you belong is a powerful motivation![9]
Through the parents' love for his brothers and sisters, a child learns to love them as well. A son's respect for his sister is learned by observing the parents' respect for her; a daughter's respect for her brother is likewise learned. The parents love endows each child with value that is worthy of respect. This is the starting point for children to learn empathy, caring, sharing and giving. Dr. T. Berry Brazelton expressed
- Sibling rivalry can be a major spur in children's learning to live together, learning how to share, how to win victories and suffer defeats, how to love and how to cope with their own unloving feelings.[10]
ReferencesISBN links support NWE through referral fees
- ^ Betsy and Farley Jones, Children of Peace. (Publisher: Holy Spirit Association., 1997 ISBN 0910621845)
- ^ Seymour Reit, Sibling Rivalry (Publisher: Ballantine Books (1988ASIN: B000OVY3U8)
- ^ Adult Sibling Rivalry
- ^ Freud Lecture: Juliet Mitchell, 2003
- ^ The Hostile Act David M. Levy (1941) First published in Psychological Review, 48, 356-361.
- ^ Sibling Rivalry in Degree and Dimensions Across the Lifespan
- ^ Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Human Behavior by Frank J. Sulloway, University of Berkeley
- ^ Mothers and Others
- ^ Don Dinkmeyer and Gary C. McKay, STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting)-The Parents Handbook, (American Guidance Service, Minnesota, 1989 ISBN-13: 978-0785411888)
- ^ T. Berry Brazelton, Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Way, (Da Capo Lifelong Books; 1st Da Capo Press Ed edition, 2005 ISBN 978-0738210056)
External links
- How to stop sibling rivalry by Virginia K. Molgaard
- Sibling rivalry: You vs. Them
- Living with your teenager: Dealing with Sibling rivalry
- Sibling Rivalry by William Antonio Boyle, Ph.D.
- Sibling Rivalry in Kids Health
- Your Child: Development and Behavior Resources
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