Sexual abstinence

This article focuses on premarital sexual abstinence in the modern context; for the lifelong abstinence of monastics and priests of certain religions see the article on Celibacy.

Sexual abstinence in the modern context refers to the decision to refrain from sexual activity prior to marriage. The traditional religious virtue of chastity combines abstinence before marriage with sexual fidelity to one's spouse within marriage. Reasons for unmarrieds to abstain from sexual activity include religious convictions, to conform to legal injunctions, to prevent undesired pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and to "save oneself" for marriage with the hope of better marital outcomes.

The world's major religions concur in viewing sexual intimacy as proper only within marriage; otherwise it can be destructive to human flourishing. Sexual abstinence prior to marriage and fidelity within marriage are time-honored norms for maintaining strong families. Traditional societies made virginity the norm for unmarrieds; backed by strong community sanctions and even by force of law. However, in the modern West particularly since the sexual revolution of the 1960s, this norm fell by the wayside, replaced by widespread acceptance of casual sex before marriage and even cohabitation in place of marriage. In the current cultural climate, many see sexual abstinence as unnatural, even unhealthy.

In attempting to combat the current climate, social conservatives in the United States have been advocating for abstinence-based sex education, which attempts to uphold the traditional norm. These educators also advocate "secondary virginity," a recommitment to abstinence by teens who previously were sexually active. Some churches promote a "virginity pledge," a commitment to remain sexually abstinent prior to marriage. When supported by medical, psychological, social, and spiritual understanding, such educational efforts have positive impact on the lives of young people.

The norm of premarital abstinence and its decline

Throughout history and in most nations throughout the world, religious teachings have informed social and legal standards. Since adultery has generally been regarded as a sin, and marriage was considered the legitimizer of sexual relations, maintaining virginity prior to marriage, which in early times often took place soon after puberty, was the norm. Yet for many men, prostitution has been tolerated as a sexual outlet, whether openly practiced or conducted discreetly. The Victorian period saw a tightening of sexual mores. The First World War began an upsurge in sexual freedom and indulgence, even as large portions of society retained the traditional moral values of abstinence before marriage.

In the 1960s, the advent of the first oral contraceptive pill and widely available antibiotics suppressed many consequences of promiscuous behavior. This coincided with the "sexual revolution" which celebrated blatant sexuality as an expression of adolescent freedom and self-expression. By the 1970s, abandonment of premarital chastity was no longer taboo in the majority of western societies. Perhaps even the reverse: it became expected, or recommended, that members of both sexes would have experienced a number of sexual partners before marriage. Some cultural groups continued to place a value on the moral purity of an abstainer, but abstinence was caught up in a wider re-evaluation of moral values.

A contributing social trend in industrialized countries has been the delay of marriage to the late 20s and early 30s, as more young people put off marriage to go to college and begin careers. Where traditionally the onset of sexual relations in the teenage years was a cause for early marriage, today early marriage is discouraged. Yet the sexual urges of youth are not as easily delayed, and to keep abstinent until one's 30s is a herculean challenge. Yet studies are questioning the conventional wisdom that early marriages are less stable and of lesser quality than marriages that begin later in life. The early 20s, when romantic feelings are at their peak and the body is most fecund, may be the best time for marriage. The keeping abstinent until then can be a realistic goal.

Today most of the stigmas that discouraged premarital sex have been removed. Even as late as the mid-twentieth century, there was a stigma attached to being a "one-parent family" or producing an illegitimate child—but no longer. The lifting of legal penalties and social stigma regarding illegitimacy has made cohabitation and single motherhood socially acceptable options. Society has not yet reckoned with the social costs of these options, particularly to the children.

Modern abstinence movements

With the increasing problems of unwanted teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, socially conscious educators began to promote abstinence for teenagers and recommending virginity prior to marriage. Without sexual contact, it is virtually impossible to conceive an unwanted child. By avoiding exposure of the sexual organs to other people, one may also avoid the sexual transmission of many diseases (STDs).

Organizations on the Left such as SIECUS have called abstinence-only programs "fear-based," "designed to control young people’s sexual behavior by instilling fear, shame, and guilt." Advocates for sexual abstinence dispute this, and claim numerous positive benefits, such as the freedom from teenage pregnancy and the resulting ability to focus on education and preparing for their future. They note that, contrary to the promiscuity norm following the "sexual revolution," preparation for a lifetime of happiness with a single, faithful marriage partner is well served by practicing self-restraint in situations of sexual temptation.

The effectiveness of abstinence programs for sex education remains a topic of much controversy in the United States. Opponents frequently adopt the line that abstinence education is acceptable only if it is combined with other methods, such as instruction in the use and easy availability of condoms. Proponents reply that to teach about condoms and promote their availability effectively undermines the abstinence norm.

The Case for abstinence

Abstinence and marriage preparation

Beginning with Florida and Oklahoma in 1999, numerous states have begun mandating marriage education classes in high schools. This is in response to the growing rate of divorce and the perceived lack of relationship skills among young people to succeed in making lasting marriages. In cities that have instituted a "Community Marriage Policy" in which judges and clergy agree to conduct marriages only for couples who have received premarital education and counseling, divorce rates have dropped considerably.

In this context, the practice of sexual abstinence creates an excellent foundation for marriage preparation. It allows for the strengthening of character free from the moral compromises of sexual involvements; it allows for personal development free from sexual distractions; and it allows for friendship building free from sexual complications. These in turn tend to reinforce postponing sexual activity. Individuals with integrity, a close relationship with their parents, many good friendships and cultivated talents and interests find abstinence less of a challenge.

At the same time, those who practice abstinence tend to have a more positive view of marriage. Research found that virgins have more favorable attitudes toward marriage than do nonvirgins who had multiple sex partners. Both abstinence and pro-marriage attitudes reinforce each other. Boston University’s The Art of Loving Well is a literature-based course that is used for both purposes. Marriage education sustains the hope of a happy committed relationship, making the choice of saving sexual activity until marriage more viable and attractive. Even where marriage preparation courses do not have an explicit abstinence message, educators report that the very discussion of the demands and rewards of committed relationships reinforces the concept of abstinence before such relationships.

Medical aspects of abstinence

Throughout history, and especially prior to the twentieth century, there have been those who have held that sexual abstinence confers numerous health benefits. For males, lack of abstinence was thought to cause a reduction of vitality. In modern times the argument has been phrased in biological terms, claiming that loss of semen through ejaculation results in a depletion of vital nutrients such as lecithin and phosphorus. Conservation of the semen allegedly allows it to be reabsorbed back into the bloodstream and aid in the healthy development of the body. Before the "sexual revolution" of the 1960s, it was commonly believed by members of the medical profession that numerous mental and physical diseases in men were caused primarily by loss of nutrients through seminal discharge, and that the deliberate conservation of this substance would lead to increased health, vitality, and intellectual prowess. This thought was also applied to masturbation.

However, medical studies have not supported this view. In fact, it has been suggested that frequent ejaculation may be beneficial, such as reducing the risk of prostate cancer. It has also been suggested that excessive repression of the sexual instinct leads to an increase in the overall level of aggression.

Notable celibates

Some notable self-proclaimed celibates in history include:

• Swami Vivekananda, the chief disciple of Ramakrishna and one of the most famous and influential spiritual leaders of the philosophies of Vedanta and Yoga
• Stevie Smith, poet and novelist, was celibate all her adult life, after sampling and rejecting romance and sex in her youth. She was fiercely critical of those who thought that her life must be emotionally impoverished by not having sexual relationships, emphasizing the depth of her friendships, especially her bond with the aunt with whom she lived.
• Nikola Tesla, who developed the system of alternating electrical current that became the worldwide standard, was a self-proclaimed celibate.
• Sigmund Freud undertook a strict vow of sexual abstinence from about the age of forty-one, which he maintained up to his death.
• Sir Cliff Richard, British rock and roll star, converted to Christianity and became a vocal proponent of the abstinent lifestyle which he adopted.

References

ISBN links support NWE through referral fees

• Devine, Tony, Joon Ho Seuk, and Andrew Wilson. 2000. Cultivating Heart and Character: Educating for Life's Most Essential Goals. Chapel Hill, NC: Character Development Publishing. ISBN 1-892056-15-1
• Mitchell, F.S. 2006. Celebrating Celibacy. Xulon Press. ISBN 1597818720
• Mullaney, Jamie. 2005. Everyone Is NOT Doing It: Abstinence and Personal Identity. University of Chicago Press. ISBN 0226547574
• Napier, Kristine. 1996. The Power of Abstinence. Avon Books. ISBN 0380783711
• Stanosz, Paul. 2006. The Struggle for Celibacy: The Culture of Catholic Seminary Life. Herder & Herder. ISBN 0824523814
• Stickler, Alphonso. 1995. The Case for Clerical Celibacy: Its Historical Development and Theological Foundations. Ignatius Press. ISBN 0898705339

External links

• Chastity in Catholic Encyclopedia Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• No New Money for Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Programs advocacy website Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• Pure Love Club advocacy group that encourages sexual abstinence and chastity Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• Real Love syndicated columnist and abstinence advocate Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• Silver Ring Thing abstinence pledge program Retrieved August 9, 2007.

• "Teen sex abstinence study sparks controversy" Shaoni Bhattacharya, NewScientist.com news service, 02 February 2005 Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• The True Love Thing to Do abstinence curriculum for teenagers Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• True Love Waits Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• "Uganda's HIV rate drops, but not from abstinence Sabin Russell, San Francisco Chronicle, 24 February 2005 Retrieved August 9, 2007.
• WAIT "Washington AIDS International Teens" Retrieved August 9, 2007.

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