Romantic love

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Historically
Courtly love
Greek love
Religious love
Types of Emotion
Erotic love
Platonic love
Familial love
Puppy love
Romantic love
See Also
Unrequited love
Problem of love
Sexuality
Sexual intercourse
Valentine's Day

"Romantic love" refers to the connection between "love" and the general idea of "romance," according to more traditional usages of the terms. Historically the term "romance" did not necessarily imply love relationships, but rather was seen as an artistic expression of one's innermost desires; sometimes including love, sometimes not. The romantic love of knights and damsels emerged in the early medieval ages (eleventh century France, fine amour) as derivative of both Platonic and Aristotelian love and literally of the Roman poet, Ovid (and his ars amatoria). Such romantic love was not to be consummated, transcendentally motivated by a deep respect for the lady and earnestly pursued in chivalric deeds rather than contemplated. Romance is still sometimes viewed as an expressionistic, or artful form, but within the context of "romantic love" relationships it usually implies an active expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person with no promise for lasting committment or marriage. It is (often) an exaggerated or decorated expression of love "Romance" in this sense can therefore be defined as attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for someone of the opposite sex.

History and Etymology

Historians believe that the actual English word "romance" developed from a vernacular dialect within the French language, meaning "verse narritve," referring to the style of speech and writing, and artistic talents within elite classes. The word was orginally an adverb of sorts, which was of the Latin origin "Romanicus," meaning "of the Roman style," "like the Romans" (see Roman.) The connecting notion is that European medieval vernacular tales were usually about chivalric adventure, not combining the idea of love until late into the seventeenth century. The word "romance," or the equivilent thereof also has developed with other meanings in other languages, such as the early nineteenth century Spanish and Italian definitions of "adventurous" and "passionate," sometimes combining the idea of "love affair" or "idealistic quality."

The more current and Western traditional terminology meaning "court as lover" or the general idea of "romantic love" is believed to have originated in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, primarily from that of the French culture. This idea is what has spurred the connection between the words "romantic" and "lover," thusly coining the English phrase "romantic love" (i.e "loving like the Roman's do".) But the precise origins of such a connection are unknown.

As a literary style, opposed to classical, the romantic style has existed since before 1812. Meaning "characteristic of an ideal love affair" (such as usually formed the subject of literary romances) is from 1666. The noun meaning "an adherent of romantic virtues in literature" is from 1827. Romanticism, the artistic and intellectual movement that originated in late eighteenth-century Western Europe, is first recorded in 1803 as "a romantic idea; "generalized sense of a tendency toward romantic ideas" is first recorded in 1840.

Defining romantic love

Romantic love is a relative term, that distinguishes moments and situations within interpersonal relationships. There is often, initially, more emphasis on the emotions (especially those of love, intimacy, compassion, appreciation, and general "liking") rather than physical pleasure. But, romantic love, in the abstract sense of the term, is traditionally referred to as involving a mix of emotional and sexual desire for another as a person.

Modern romantic love is more akin to Aristotle's version of the love two people find within each other's virtues-"one soul and two bodies," as he poetically put it. Such love is deemed to be of a higher status, ethically, aesthetically, and even metaphysically.

Romantic love is then a relative term within any sexual relationship, but not relative when considered in contrast with custom. Within an existing relationship romantic love can be defined as a temporary freeing or optimizing of intimacy, either in a particularly luxurious manner (or the opposite as in the "natural"), or perhaps in greater spirituality, irony, or peril to the relationship.

Before the 18th century, as now, there were many marriages that were not arranged, and arose out of more or less spontaneous relationships.

The cultural traditions of Marriage and betrothal are the most basic customs in conflict with romance, however it is possible that romance and love can exist between the partners within those customs. Shakespeare and Kierkegaard describe similar viewpoints, to the effect that marriage and romance are not (always) harmoniously in tune with each other.

Romance and tragedy

The tragic contradictions between romance and society are most forcibly portrayed in Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, in Flaubert's Madame Bovary, and of course, in Romeo and Juliet. The protagonists in these stories were driven to tragedy and suicide by forces seemingly outside of their control.

Romance can often be tragic in its conflict with one's immediate family as well as society. Tolstoy focuses on the romantic limitations of marriage with Anna Karenina preferring death to being married to her fiancée.

In the following excerpts, from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Romeo and Juliet powerfully state their romantic feelings and committment toward each other. Tragically, their marriage was not to be.

File:418px-Francesco Hayez 053.jpg

Romeo and Juliet in a painting by Francesco Hayez, 1823

The balcony scene where Romeo climbs up to meet Juliet remains the most famous vision of romantic love in history:

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II - Juliet to Romeo

"They part from each other with the famous words: "Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say Good night till it be morrow." Good-night, good-night! Parting is such sweet sorrow

That I shall say good-night till it be morrow.

Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II - Juliet to Romeo

"Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set On the fair daughter of rich Capulet: As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine; And all combined, save what thou must combine By holy marriage: when and where and how We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray,

That thou consent to marry us to-day."

—Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene III -Romeo to Friar Lawrence—by William Shakespeare

Pessimistic views

Romantic love is sometimes directly compared with Platonic love alone, which in all usages precludes sexual relations. In certain modern usages it also takes on a fully asexual sense, rather than the classical sense in which sexual drives are (often) sublimated for the sake of or instead of marriage. Unrequited love can be romantic, but it too, occurs due to the sublimation or withholding of reciprocal affection, emotion or sex with no concept or possibility of commitment or marriage.

Schopenhauer had a different view or pessimism, despite his own romantic success. He saw romantic love as no more than a device of nature for reproducing the species. "Once our work is done, the love we had for our mate leaves us and there is nothing we can do about it."

Kierkegaard went further. In a speech about marriage given in his treatise, Either/Or, (cleverly utilizing fictional pseudonyms) he attempted to show that because marriage is lacking in passion fundamentally, the nature of marriage, unlike romance, is in fact explainable by a man who has experience of neither marriage nor love.

References

ISBN links support NWE through referral fees

• Alberoni, Francesco, Falling in Love. Random House Inc (T); 1st American ed edition (December 1983). ISBN 978-0394530079.
• Kierkegaard, Søren. Stages on Life's Way : Kierkegaard's Writings, Vol 11. Princeton University Press; New Ed edition (November 1, 1988). ISBN 978-0691020495.
• Levi-Strauss, Claude. Structural Anthropolgy. Basic Books; New Ed edition (January 2000). ISBN 978-0465095162.
• McWilliams, Peter. Love 101 : To Love Oneself Is the Beginning of a Lifelong Romance. Prelude Press (January 1997). ISBN 978-0931580727.
• Nietzsche, Friedrich. Human, All-Too-Human: Parts One and Two (Philosophical Classics). Dover Publications; Dover Ed edition (January 20, 2006). ISBN 978-0486445663.
• Rougemont, Denis de. Love in the Western World. Schocken (January 27, 1990). ISBN 978-0805209501.
• Schopenhauer, Arthur. Essays and Aphorisms. Penguin Classics (May 30, 1973). ISBN 978-0140442274.

External Links

• Plato’s Theory of Love: Rationality as Passion
• Romantic Love Quotes
• What Is Romantic Love Anyway? by Beverly Rodgers MS, LMFT and Tom Rodgers MA, MHDL
• Love More Powerful than Sex, Study Claims by Robert Roy Britt, LiveScience Senior Writer (posted: 31 May 2005)
• The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy - Philosophy of Love
• Romance In Marriage: Perspectives, Pitfalls, and Principles, by Jason S. Carroll

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