Love

From New World Encyclopedia


The Kiss by Francesco Hayez, 1859

Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness. Depending on context, love can have a wide variety of intended meanings. Romantic love is seen as a deep, ineffable feeling of intense and tender attraction shared in passionate or intimate attraction and intimate interpersonal and sexual relationships. Love can also be conceived of as Platonic love, familial love, and, more casually, great affection for anything considered strongly pleasurable, desirable, or preferred, including activities and foods.

Definitions

The definition of love is the subject of considerable debate, enduring speculation, and thoughtful introspection. Some tackle the difficulty of finding a universal definition for love by classifying it into types, such as passionate love, romantic love, and committed love. However, some of these types of love can be generalized into the category of sexual attraction.

In ordinary use, "love" usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing, including oneself (compare with narcissism). Dictionaries tend to define "love" as deep affection or fondness.[1] In colloquial use, the most favored definitions of "love" involve altruism, selflessness, friendship, union, family, and bonding or connecting with another.[2]

The different aspects of love can be illustrated by comparing their corollaries and opposites. As a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of "like"), love is commonly contrasted with hate (or with neutral apathy); as a less sexual and more mutual and "pure" form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with friendship, although other connotations of love may be applied to close friendships as well.

The very existence of love is sometimes subject to debate. Some categorically reject the notion as false or meaningless. Others call it a recently-invented abstraction, sometimes dating the "invention" to courtly Europe during or after the Middle Ages. Others maintain that love really exists, and is not an abstraction, but is undefinable, being essentially spiritual or metaphysical in nature. Some psychologists suggest that love is the action of lending one's "boundary" or "self-esteem" to another.

Love is a set of paradoxes: It is the most altruistic and the most selfish of human emotions; the most spiritual and the most physical; the most natural and the most irrational; the source of our deepest pleasures and our deepest agonies.

Contexts of love

Love is to be found in a variety of contexts. Filial love, romantic love, sexual love, friendship, compassion, love of self, love of God — these are all so different from each other as to have virtually nothing in common. We call them all "love," and somehow understand that they are all the same thing, but without understanding why.

God's Love

God's love is thought to be all-encompassing. Philosophers and theologians have debated the form God's love takes. Some argue that God is infinite in all of his attributes, love being one of them. St. Augustine argued that God's goodness necessarily overflows into creation. This could also be considered a form of God's love. Many consider themselves in a deep, personal relationship with God in which they are direct recipients of God's love and blessings. This is very common in evangelical churches.

Many take the passage "God is love" from 1 John 4:8 at its most literal, believing God to be the embodiment of the concept of love and that God is made manifest in the world in the form of love. This belief is not exclusive to those of Christian upbringing, but is held by many across a number of religions and is supported by holy texts in each. The Buddhist Gandavyuha Sutra says, "The Great Compassionate Heart is the essence of Buddhahood" and "To love is to know Me/ My innermost nature/ The truth that I am" comes from the Hindu Bhagavad Gita (18.55).

Family love

Grandma's Favorite, by Georgios Iakovidis, 1893.

The Family is where most people are introduced to the experience of love. Family love takes different forms including conjugal love between spouses, parental love for children, children's love for their parents, and sibling relationships. Conjugal love is the natural union between spouses and is the sign of a healthy romantic relationship. This is where the sexual expression of love finds its natural place, blossoming and bearing fruit.

A parent's love for their child is natural, but may be severely tested throughout the course of the relationship between parents and children. Unless parents are mature enough to give unconditional love to their children, tensions and even conflicts develop. Indeed, many families are unfortunately estranged from one another. Early in life, children often do not appreciate the role parents have played in providing support emotionally and materially. Aristotle wrote that it is impossible for children to ever pay off the debt created by their parents raising them.

The love felt between partners, for children, and by children can all be extended to grandparents who play an important part in the family dynamic of many cultures. Relationships between siblings are often tenuous. Sibling rivalries sometimes create insurmountable obstacles between siblings. Jealousy is often the cause of such strife. On the other hand, sibling relationships can also offer a tremendous source of support as they are usually close in age and can act as each other's friends and confidants.

Self-love

Self-love can be both a blessing and a curse. Confident people do better in life and are generally happier as a result (or vice versa). Self-love helps people deal with the everyday problems in life rather than dwelling on negatives.

Although often beneficial, confidence can be the source of interpersonal trouble for some. Many people find over-confidence or narcissism abrasive. Self-love without reason can lead to harmful delusions that do not prepare people to realistically deal with life.

Yet, without being able to love oneself, relationships of love with others are often difficult, since it is hard to love others while hating oneself, and even harder to receive love when feeling unworthy.

Friendship

Friendship is a close relationship between people. This type of love provides a great support system for those involved. Friends often share interests, backgrounds, or jobs. Friends can act as sources of fun, advice, adventure, monetary support, and self-esteem. Such relationships are usually based on mutual respect and enjoyment, and do not have a sexual component.

All things

The ability to love and care for all things is an essentially human quality. People often develop strong emotional attachments to pet animals, who may reciprocate with loyalty and dependent appreciation. As the highest form of life on our planet, human beings are in a special position to care for all things as loving stewards.

Unfortunately, through our ignorance and selfish misuse of resources, we have failed in this responsibility, leading to the suffering of all things and numerous environmental problems. As people seek solutions to these issues, we are learning how to love the earth, all its wondrous features (mountains, rivers, oceans, trees, volcanos, and so on) and all its living creatures.

Humankind

Man's love of his fellow man is a controversial idea. There are competing schools of thought as to whether or not human beings naturally live in love or war with one another. Thomas Hobbes, Niccolo Machiavelli, and Karl Marx are among those philosophers who believed there to be a constant conflict between men. This school of thought argues that social contracts and force are necessary to maintain society, and claim that altruism is unnatural. Other philosophers, such as Thomas Locke and Jean-Jacques Rousseau, believed man to be inherently peaceful (although Rousseau posited that advanced society ruined this idyllic nature).

Sacrificial love occurs when one person loves another person or group of people so much that they are willing to sacrifice themselves for that person or group. Jesus Christ is an example of such love. A martyrs acts from this sacrificial love, willing to give up their life for the sake of what they believe to be the greater good for humankind.

Cultural views

File:Love-zh.png
The traditional Chinese character for love (愛) consists of a heart (心, in the middle) inside of "accept," "feel," or "perceive," which shows a graceful emotion.

Although there exist numerous cross-cultural unified similarities as to the nature and definition of love, such as a thread of commitment, tenderness, and passion common to all human existence, there are also differences. Some examples that have influenced modern societies, from both oriental and western cultures, follow.

Chinese

Chinese has several terms that can be translated as forms of love.

Ai (愛) is used as a verb "to love," or as a noun, especially in aiqing (愛情), "love" or "romance." In mainland China since 1949, airen (愛人), originally "lover," or more literally, "love person") became the dominant word for "spouse.".

Lian (戀) is not generally used alone, but instead as part of such terms as "being in love" (談戀愛, tan lian'ai—also containing ai) or "lover" (戀人, lianren).

In Confucianism, lian is a virtuous benevolent love. Lian should be pursued by all human beings, and reflects a moral life. The Chinese philosopher Mozi developed the concept of ai (愛) in reaction to Confucian lian. Ai, in Mohism, is universal love towards all beings, not just towards friends or family, without regard to reciprocation. Extravagance and offensive war are inimical to ai. Although Mozi's thought was influential, the Confucian lian is how most Chinese conceive of love.

Zaolian (Simplified: 早恋, Traditional: 早戀, pinyin: zǎoliàn), "puppy love" or literally "early love," is a contemporary term in frequent use for romantic feelings or attachments among children or adolescents. Zaolian describes both relationships among a teenage boyfriend and girlfriend, as well as the "crushes" of early adolescence or childhood. The concept essentially indicates a prevalent belief in contemporary Chinese culture that due to the demands of their studies (especially true in the highly competitive educational system of China), youth should not form romantic attachments lest they jeopardize their chances for success in the future. Reports have appeared in Chinese newspapers and other media detailing the prevalence of the phenomenon and its perceived dangers to students and the fears of parents.

Qing (情), commonly meaning "feeling" or "emotion," often indicates "love" in several terms. It is contained in the word aiqing (愛情); qingren (情人) is a term for "lover."

Gănqíng (感情), the feeling of a relationship, is an emotional attachment toward another person or anything. A person will express love by building good gănqíng, accomplished through helping or working for another.

Yuanfen (緣份) is a connection of bound destinies. A meaningful relationship is often conceived of as dependent strong yuanfen. A similar conceptualization in English is, "They were made for each other," "fate," or "destiny."

Japanese

The two most common words for love in Japanese are ai (愛) and koi (恋). Generally speaking, most forms of non-romantic love are expressed using the former, while romantic love is expressed using the latter. In Japanese Buddhism, ai (愛) is passionate caring love, and a fundamental desire. It can develop towards either selfishness or selflessness and enlightenment.

"Parental love," for example, is oya no ai (親の愛), while "to be in love with" is koi suru (恋する). There are of course exceptions. The word aijin (愛人) means "lover" and implies an illicit, often extra-marital relationship, whereas koibito (恋人) has the connotation of "boyfriend," "girlfriend," or "partner."

In everyday conversation, however, ai (愛) and koi (恋) are rarely used. Rather than using ai shiteiru (愛している) or koi shiteiru (恋している) to say "I love you," for example, most Japanese would say daisuki desu (大好きです), which literally means "I really like you" — suki (好き) being the same word used to express preferences for food, music, and so forth, as in sushi ga suki desu (寿司が好きです), or "I like sushi." Rather than diluting the sentiment, however, the implied meaning of "love" is understood.

Amae (甘え), a Japanese word meaning "indulgent dependence," is part of the child-rearing culture of Japan. Japanese mothers are expected to hug and indulge their children, and children are expected to reward their mothers by clinging and serving. Some sociologists (most notably, Takeo Doi) have suggested that Japanese social interactions in later life are modeled on the mother-child amae.

Greek

Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word "love" is used. For example, ancient Greek has the words philia, eros, agape, storge and xenia. However, with Greek as with many other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. At the same time the ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo being used with the same meaning as phileo.

Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means "love" in modern day Greek. The term s'agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb "to love." It generally refers to a "pure," ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros. It has also been translated as "love of the soul."

Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means "in love." Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. Some translations list it as "love of the body."

Philia (φιλία philía), means friendship in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship.

Storge (στοργή storgē) means affection in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

Xenia (ξενία philoxenía), meaning hospitality in modern Greek, was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and their guest, who could previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was only expected to repay with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology, in particular Homer's Iliad and Odyssey.

Latin

'Sacred Love versus Profane Love' by Giovanni Baglione

The Latin language has several different verbs corresponding to the English word "love."

Amare is the basic word for "to love," as it still is in Italian today. The Romans used it both in an affectionate sense, as well as in a Romantic or sexual sense. From this verb come amans, a lover, amator, "professional lover," often with the accessory notion of lechery, and amica, "girlfriend" in the English sense, often as well being applied euphemistically to a prostitute. The corresponding noun is amor, which is also used in the plural form to indicate "love affairs" or "sexual adventures." This same root also produces amicus, "friend."

Complicating the picture somewhat, Latin sometimes uses amare where English would simply say "to like;" this notion, however, is much more generally expressed in Latin by placere or delectare, which are used more colloquially, and the latter of which is used frequently in the love poetry of Catullus.

Diligere often has the notion "to be affectionate for," "to esteem," and rarely if ever is used of romantic love. This word would be appropriate to describe the friendship of two men. The corresponding noun diligentia, however, has the meaning "diligence," "carefulness," and has little semantic overlap with the verb.

Observare is a synonym for diligere; despite the cognate with English, this verb and its corresponding noun observantia often denotes "esteem" or "affection."

Caritas is used in Latin translations of the Christian Bible to mean "charitable love." This meaning, however, is not found in Classical pagan Roman literature. As it arises from a conflation with a Greek word, there is no corresponding verb.

Religious views

Whether religious love can be expressed in similar terms to interpersonal love is in itself a matter for philosophical debate. Most religions use the term "love" to express the devotion the follower has to their deity, or to a living guru or religious teacher who may be viewed as an incarnation of the deity. Some traditions encourage the development of passionate love in the believer for the deity.

This love can be expressed by prayer, service, good deeds, and personal sacrifice. Reciprocally, the followers may believe that the deity loves them and all of creation.

Religions describe human love as grounded in divine love: passages such as 1 John 4 and 1 Corinthians 13 of the Christian Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, and the Buddhist Metta Sutta describe divine love as universal, flowing impartially to all beings.[3]

Religions also recognize that the highest standard of love is that of love in the family—love for children and love for spouse are the most intense of human loves. Thus a Buddhist sutra states that the bodhisattva loves everyone as though they were a loved only child. On the other hand, the Confucian Doctrine of the Mean cautions that love in the family can be biased; without the right foundation it is not true love.

While the world's religions have different descriptions of love, they all regard love as the essence of what is most important in life.

Bahai

According to the Bahai faith,

This is the truth and there is naught beyond the truth save error. Know thou assuredly that-

Love is the mystery of divine revelations! Love is the effulgent manifestation!
Love is the spiritual fulfillment! Love is the light of the Kingdom!
Love is the breath of the Holy Spirit inspired into the human spirit!
Love is the cause of the manifestation of the Truth (God) in the phenomenal world!
Love is the necessary tie proceeding from the realities of things through divine creation!
Love is the means of the most great happiness in both the material and spiritual worlds!
Love is a light of guidance in the dark night!
Love is a bond between the Creator and the creature in the inner world!
Love is the cause of development to every enlightened man!
Love is the greatest law in this vast universe of God!
Love is the one law which causeth and controlleth order among the existing atoms!
Love is the universal magnetic power between the planets and stars shining in the lofty firmament!
Love is the cause of unfoldment to a searching mind, of the secrets deposited in the universe by the Infinite!
Love is the spirit of life in the bountiful body of the world!
Love is the cause of the civilization of nations in this mortal world!
Love is the highest honor to every righteous nation!
(Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v3, p. 525)

Buddhism

In Buddhism, Kāma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is self-centered.

Karunā is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom, and is necessary for enlightenment.

Advesa and maitrī are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from the ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex, which rarely occur without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others' welfare.

The Bodhisattva ideal in Tibetan Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world. The strongest motivation one has in order to take the path of the Bodhisattva is the idea of salvation within unselfish love for others.

Christianity

In Christianity, love is most famously described by Saint Paul:

"Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NIV)

The New Testament only used two Greek words for love: agapē and philia. However, there are several Greek words for Love.

  • Agapē. In the New Testament, agapē is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world, it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for others.
  • Philia. Also used in the New Testament, philia is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as "brotherly love."
  • Eros (sexual love) is never used in the New Testament.
  • Storge (needy child-to-parent love) only appears in the compound word philostorgos (Rom 12:10).

Saint Paul glorified agapē love in the quote above from 1 Corinthians 13, and as the most important virtue of all: "Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." (1 Cor 13:8 NIV).

Christianity teaches that because of God's agapē love for humanity he sacrificed his son for us. John the Apostle wrote, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." (John 3:16–17 KJV)

Christians believe that the greatest commandment is "thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment"; in addition to the second, "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." These are what Jesus Christ called the two greatest commandments (see Mark 12:28–34, Luke 10:25-28, Matthew 22:37-39, Matthew 7:12; cf. Deuteronomy 6:5, Deuteronomy 11:13, Deuteronomy 11:22, Leviticus 19:18, Leviticus 19:34).

In the Gospel of John, Jesus said: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (NIV, John 13:34-35; cf. John 15:17). Jesus also taught "Love your enemies." (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27).

Christians also believe that God is the source and essence of love, "He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." (1 John 4:8 KJV)

Hinduism

In Hinduism kāma is pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god Kama. For many Hindu schools it is the third end in life. In contrast to kāma, prema or prem refers to elevated love. Karuna is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others.

Bhakti is a Sanskrit term from Hinduism meaning "loving devotion to the supreme God." Hindu writers, theologians, and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of devotion that they call bhakti.

Prema has the ability to melt karma which is also known as the moving force of our past actions, intentions and reactions to our experience in life. When we love everything, the force of karma that is in relation to those things, events or circumstances slowly starts going towards peacefulness, relaxation and freedom and we find ourselves in a "state of love."

Islam

There are no direct references in Islam stating that God is love, but amongst the 99 names of God (Allah), there is the name Al-Wadud or "the Loving One," which is found in Surah 11:90 as well as Surah 85:14. It refers to God as being "full of loving kindness."

In Islam, love is more often than not used as an incentive for sinners to aspire to be as worthy of God's love as they may. One still has God's love, but how the person evaluates his own worth is to his own and God's own counsel. All who hold the faith have God's love, but to what degree or effort he has pleased God depends on the individual itself.

This Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism. Sufis believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God "looks" at itself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often referred to as the religion of Love. God in Sufism is referred to in three main terms which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved with the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry. A common viewpoint of Sufism is that through Love humankind can get back to its inherent purity and grace.

Judaism

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might."
Deuteronomy 6:5

In Hebrew ahava is the most commonly used term for both interpersonal love and love of God. Other related but dissimilar terms are chen (grace) and chesed, which basically combines the meaning of "affection" and "compassion" and is sometimes rendered in English as "loving-kindness."

Judaism employs a wide definition of love, both between people and between man and the Deity. As for the former, the Torah states: "Love your neighbor like yourself" (Leviticus 19:18). As for the latter, one is commanded to love God "with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might" (Deuteronomy 6:5), taken by the Mishnah (a central text of the Jewish oral law) to refer to good deeds, willingness to sacrifice one's life rather than commit certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all one's possessions and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity (tractate Berachoth 9:5, tractate Sanhedrin 74a). Rabbinic literature differs how this love can be developed, e.g. by contemplating Divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature (Maimonides' Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Yesoday HaTorah, Chapter 2).

As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: "See life with the wife you love" (Ecclesiastes 9:9). The Biblical book Song of Songs is a considered a romantically-phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading reads like a love song.

The twentieth-century rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point-of-view as "giving without expecting to take" (from his Michtav me-Eliyahu, vol. I), as can be seen from the word for love ahava, as the root of the word is hav, to give. Romantic love per se has few echoes in Jewish literature, although the medieval rabbi Judah Halevi wrote romantic poetry in Arabic in his younger years.

Mythology

Different cultures have deified love in their mythologies, typically in both male and female form. Even though in monotheistic religions, God is considered to represent love, there are often angels or similar beings that represent love as well. The following are examples of gods and goddesses of love in different mythologies.

  • Áine — goddess of fertility and passionate love in Irish mythology
  • Amor or Cupid — god of passionate love in Roman mythology
  • Antheia — goddess in Crete mythology of love, flowers, gardens, and marshes
  • Aonghus or Aengus— god of beauty, youth, and sensual love in Irish mythology
  • Aphrodite — goddess of beauty and passionate love in Greek mythology
  • Astarte — goddess of love in Canaanite mythogy
  • Eros — god of passionate love in Greek mythology
  • Freyja — goddess of love, fertility and war in Norse mythology
  • Haniel — angel of Venus, and of eros, in Judeo-Christian mythology.
  • Inanna — goddess of love and war in Sumerian mythology
  • Ishtar — goddess of love and war in Babylonian mythology
  • Kama — god of sensual love in Hindu mythology
  • Mihr — spirit of love in Persian mythology]
  • Rati — goddess of passionate love in Hindu mythology
  • Raphael — angel of love (agape) in Judeo-Christian mythology.
  • Venus — goddess of beauty and passionate love in Roman mythology
  • Xochipilli — the god of love, games, beauty, dance, flowers, maize, and song in Aztec mythology

Philosophical views

People, throughout history, have often considered phenomena such as "love at first sight" or "instant friendships" to be the result of an uncontrollable force of attraction or affinity.[4] One of the first to theorize in this direction was the Greek philosopher Empedocles, who in the fourth century B.C.E. argued for the existence of two forces, love (philia) and strife (neikos), which were used to account for the causes of motion in the universe. These two forces were said to intermingle with the classical elements—earth, water, air, and fire—in such a manner that love served as the binding power linking the various parts of existence harmoniously together.

Later, Plato interpreted Empedocles' two agents as "attraction" and "repulsion," stating that their operation is conceived in an alternate sequence.[5] From these arguments, Plato originated the concept of "likes attract," such that earth is attracted to earth, water to water, and fire to fire. In modern terms this is often phrased in terms of "birds of a feather flock together."

The "problem of love" questions whether the desire to do good for another is based solely on the outward ability to love another person because the lover sees something (or someone) worth loving, or if a little self-interest is always present in the desire to do good for another. This "problem" centers on Thomas Aquinas' understanding that human expressions of love are always based partly on love of self and similitude of being:

Even when a man loves in another what he loves not in himself, there is a certain likeness of proportion: because as the latter is to that which is loved in him, so is the former to that which he loves in himself.[6]

Bertrand Russell describes love as a condition of "absolute value," as opposed to relative value. Thomas Jay Oord defines love as acting intentionally, in sympathetic response to others (including God), to promote overall well-being. Oord means for his definition to be adequate for religion, philosophy, and the sciences. Robert Anson Heinlein, one of the most prolific science fiction writers of the twentieth century, defined love in his novel Stranger in a Strange Land as the point of emotional connection which leads to the happiness of another being essential to one's own well being. This definition ignores the ideas of religion and science and instead focuses on the meaning of love as it relates to the individual.

Platonic love

In the fourth century B.C.E., the Greek philosopher Plato, disciple of Socrates and teacher of Aristotle, positioned the view that one would never love a person in that person’s totality, because no person represents goodness or beauty in totality. At a certain level, one does not even love the person at all. Rather, one loves an abstraction or image of the person’s best qualities. Plato never considered that one would love a person for his or her unique qualities, because the ideas are abstractions that do not vary. In love, we thus look for the best embodiment of a universal truth in a person rather than that of an idiosyncratic truth.

Platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. A simple example of platonic relationships is a deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.

Ironically, the very eponym of this love, Plato, as well as Socrates and others, belonged to the community of men who desired boys and engaged in erotic pedagogic friendships with youths. The concept of platonic love thus arose within the context of the debate pitting mundane sexually expressed pederasty against the philosophic – or chaste – pederasty elaborated in Plato's writings.

Plato and his companions.

This modern interpretation is a misunderstanding of the nature of the Platonic ideal of love, which from its origin was that of a chaste but passionate love, based not on lack of interest but virtuous restraint of sexual desire. In its original Platonic form, this love was meant to bring the lovers closer to wisdom and the Platonic Form of Beauty. It is described in depth in Plato's Phaedrus and Symposium. In the Phaedrus, it is said to be a form of divine madness that is a gift from the gods, and that its proper expression is rewarded by the gods in the afterlife; in the Symposium, the method by which love takes one to the form of beauty and wisdom is detailed.

Because of the common modern definition, platonic love can be seen as paradoxical in light of these philosophers' life experiences and teachings. Plato and his peers did not teach that a man's relationship with a youth should lack an erotic dimension, but rather that the longing for the beauty of the boy is a foundation of the friendship and love between those two. However, having acknowledged that the man's erotic desire for the youth magnetizes and energizes the relationship, they countered that it is wiser for this eros to not be sexually expressed, but instead be redirected into the intellectual and emotional spheres.

To resolve this confusion, French scholars found it helpful to distinguish between amour platonique (the concept of non-sexual love) and amour platonicien (love according to Plato). When the term "Platonic love" is used today, it generally does not describe this aspect of Plato's views of love.

Scientific views

Throughout history, philosophy and religion have done the most speculation on the phenomenon of love. In more recent times, the sciences of psychology, biology, anthropology, and neuroscience have added to the understanding of the nature and function of love.

Biological models of sex tend to see it as an instinctual and physical drive, just like hunger or thirst. Psychological theories view love from a more social and cultural perspective. There are elements of truth in both views — certainly love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin) and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by one’s conceptions of love.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher divided the experience of love into three partly-overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust exposes people to others, romantic attraction encourages people to focus their energy on mating, and attachment involves tolerating the spouse long enough to rear a child into infancy.

Biological understandings

Mating of Large Red Damselfly (Pyrrhosoma nymphula) with male on top, in Ciney, Belgium, configured in the shape of a heart, a common symbol of love.

The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love — sexual attraction and attachment. Attraction can be stimulated by the action of pheromones, similar to that found in many species. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead infants to become attached to their primary caregivers.

Studies in neuroscience have indicated that a consistent number of chemicals are present in the brain when people testify to feeling love. More specifically, higher levels of testosterone and estrogen are present during the lustful or sexual phase of a relationship. Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are more commonly found during the attraction phase of a relationship. Oxytocin and vasopressin seemeto be more closely linked to long term bonding and relationships characterized by strong attachments.

Research has shown that the chemicals triggered responsible for passionate love and long-term attachment love seem to be more particular to the activities in which both participate rather than to the nature of the specific people involved.[7] The serotonin effects of being in love have a similar chemical appearance to obsessive-compulsive disorder; which could explain why a person in love cannot think of anyone else. The long-term attachment felt after the initial "in love" passionate phase of the relationship ends is a result of chemicals such as oxytocin.

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement.[8] Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years and studies have found that a protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these levels return to as they were after one year.[9]

Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding which promotes relationships that last for many years, and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin than short-term relationships have.[8]

Psychological understandings

Swans forming a heart, a common symbol for love; scientists have recently begun to study the chemistry of pair bonding in animals as models for human bonding.

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. A variety of psychologists have developed their own understandings of love; a sample of the more influential ones are described below.

Erich Fromm

Erich Fromm developed a unique definition of love in The Art of Loving. Fromm regarded human beings as uniquely endowed with the powers of love and reason. He acknowledged that people seek love desperately, albeit often inappropriately, which he attributed to the fact that "the desire for interperson fusion is the most powerful striving in man."[10]

Fromm considered love to be an interpersonal and creative capacity of humans rather than an emotion. The elements of Fromm's concept of love were care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. Fromm actually argued that the common idea "falling in love" was evidence of people's misunderstanding of the concept of true love, as the narcissism and mistreatment of the object of such attention often associated with such a view of love are hardly creative. Fromm also stated that few people in society respect the autonomy of others and are completely unaware of the wants and needs of others. Thus, for Fromm, love involves concern for the other and the desire to satisfy their needs rather than one's own.

Scott Peck

Scott Peck published his views on love in The Road Less Traveled, published in 1978. Peck believes love to be the engine of spiritual growth. Like Fromm, Peck does not support the traditional concept of romantic love, agreeing that love is not an emotion. To Peck, love is an activity or investment rather than feeling. Peck even argues that romantic love is a destructive myth, leading to unhealthy dependency. Peck also seeks to differentiate between love and cathexis, which is what explains attractions to the opposite sex, the instinct for cuddling pets and pinching babies' cheeks. However, cathexis is not love. All the same, true love cannot begin in isolation, and so suggests that a certain amount of cathexis is necessary to get sufficiently close to be able to truly love.[11]

John Money

Abnormal sexology researcher John Money developed the concept of "lovemaps," defined as a set of love attachment predispositions, or neurological love templates, developed or acquired through association in early youth. According to Money, a lovemap is "a developmental representation or template in the mind and in the brain depicting the idealized lover and the idealized program of sexuoerotic activity projected in imagery or actually engaged in with that lover." These lovemaps help to explain why people like particular sexual experiences, particularly abnormal ones such as necrophilia or coprophilia. Although the concept of lovemaps originally developed from studies of atypical love, it has been applied to discussions of love in general.

Robert Sternberg

Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love with three different components of love: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion.[1]

  1. Intimacy – which encompasses the feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
  2. Passion – which encompasses the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation.
  3. Decision/Commitment – which encompasses, in the short term, the decision that one loves another, and in the long term, the commitment to maintain that love.

Intimacy is a form by which two people can share secrets and various details of their personal lives. Intimacy is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is going to last forever. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. The “amount” of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components; the “kind” of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other.

These three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce and with the actions that produce them so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences:

Sternburg's Love Triangle
  intimacy passion commitment
Liking or friendship
x
   
Infatuation or limerence  
x
 
Empty love    
x
Romantic love
x
x
 
Companionate love
x
 
x
Fatuous love  
x
x
Consummate love
x
x
x

The size of the triangle functions to represent the amount of love - the bigger the triangle the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the kind of love, which typically varies over the course of the relationship: passion-stage (right-shifted triangle), intimacy-stage (apex-triangle), commitment-stage (left-shifted triangle), typically. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” Typically, couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they can not imagine themselves happy over the long term with anyone else, they weather their few storms gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with each other.[12]

Love in culture

Dante looked longingly at Beatrice Portinari as she passed by him with Lady Vanna (in red) in Dante and Beatrice, by Henry Holiday

Love is one of the most featured themes in all of culture. For as long as there have been songs and the written word, there have been works dedicated to love. The type of love often featured is unrequited love, which can be explained by the Western fascination with tragedy.

The first century B.C.E. Roman poet Catullus wrote about his unrequited love for Lesbia (Clodia) in several of his Carmina. Perhaps the most famous example in Western culture of unrequited love is Dante Alighieri for Beatrice. Dante apparently spoke to Beatrice only twice in his life, the first time when he was nine years old and she was eight. Although both went on to marry other people, Dante nevertheless regarded Beatrice as the great love of his life and his "muse." He made her the guide to Heaven in his work The Divine Comedy. Additionally, all of the examples in Dante's manual for poets, La Vita Nuova, are about his love for Beatrice. The prose which surrounds the examples further tells the story of his lifelong devotion to her.

Shakespeare touched on the topic in his plays Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer Night's Dream and Twelfth Night. A more threatening unrequited lover, Roderigo, is shown in Othello.

Unrequited love has been a topic used repeatedly by musicians for decades. Blues artists incorporated it heavily; it is the topic of B.B. King's Lucille and "The Thrill is Gone," Ray Charles' What'd I Say. Eric Clapton's band Derek and the Dominos devoted a whole album to the topic, Layla & Other Assorted Love Songs, which included such famous songs as Layla and Bell Bottom Blues. Many Rock n' Roll musicians also based songs on unrequited love; from The Eagles all the way to Led Zeppelin, almost every classic rock band has at least one song on the topic.

Not all songs of love are unrequited, however. Many feature the theme of new love, "falling in love"

Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you (Can't Help Falling in Love sung by Elvis Presley)

and the joy and anticipation of "endless love" together:

Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun. (Endless Love by Lionel Ritchie)

Others find the greatest love to be from God, or in loving oneself:

Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all (Greatest Love of All sung by Whitney Houston)

Perhaps, learning to love yourself is the greatest love because it opens the way to receive love from others.

True love vs. false love

Though the definition and concept of love varies from society to society, a few types of love can be considered to be universally held as "true." True love is nurturing and powerful. This type of love helps those experiencing it live fuller lives. These include the love for and by God; love within members of a family; romantic love, including sex and marriage; love for one's self; and love for others. True love is a powerful blessing for any person who experiences it.

The Christian Bible says,

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen (1 John 4.18-20).

Love benefits all of those who partake in it, even the love of one's enemies. The Islamic Hadith of Bukhari says, "A man is a true Muslim when no other Muslim has to fear anything from either his tongue or his hand."

In opposition to true love is false love. False loves are those not fulfilling to their participants emotionally or spiritually. False love can be distracting and actually hurt those in pursuit of it. The first of these is unrequited love, which is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. Beyond unrequited love is lust in which someone only wishes to engage in physical sex acts without commitment. Lustful love is also made manifest in the use of pornography or the committing of sex crimes such as rape. Additional forms of false love include adultery and incest, which are forms of loving the wrong people. Finally, there is a perversion of self-love, narcissism, in which a person loves themselves more than is appropriate.

False love can lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and mood swings such as swift changes between depression and euphoria. False love can lead to conflict between people as much as lack of love does.

Notes

  1. Oxford Illustrated American Dictionary (1998) + Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary (2000).
  2. '04 Poll of 250 Chicagoans – Institute of Human Thermodynamics (Chicago)
  3. World Scripture Retrieved August 14, 2007.
  4. Fisher, Helen (2004). Why We Love – the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Henry Holt and Company. ISBN 0-8050-6913-5. 
  5. Jammer, Max (1956). Concepts of Force. Dover Publications, Inc.. ISBN 0-486-40689-X. 
  6. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica (New York: Benziger Bros., 1948)
  7. Lauren Slater "Love: The Chemical Reaction" National Geographic February 2006
  8. 8.0 8.1 Winston, Robert (2004). Human. Smithsonian Institution.
  9. Emanuele, E. Polliti, P, Bianchi, M. Minoretti, P. Bertona, M., & Geroldi, D. (2005). “Raised plasma nerve growth factor levels associated with early-stage romantic love.” Abstract. Psychoneuroendocrinology, Nov. 09.
  10. Erich Fromm The Art of Loving (Harper Perennial Modern Classics 2006 ISBN 0061129739)
  11. Peck, Scott (1978). The Road Less Traveled. Simon & Schuster. ISBN 0-671-25067-1. 
  12. Sternberg, Robert (1998). Cupid's Arrow - the Course of Love through Time. Cambridge University Press. ISBN 0-521-47893-6. 

References
ISBN links support NWE through referral fees

  • Roger Allen, Hillar Kilpatrick, and Ed de Moor, eds. Love and Sexuality in Modern Arabic Literature. London: Saqi Books, 1995.
  • Shadi Bartsch and Thomas Bartscherer, eds. Erotikon: Essays on Eros, Ancient and Modern. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2005.
  • Mary Baker Eddy, "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures. 2006
  • Helen Fisher. Why We Love: the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
  • Fromm, Erich. 2006. The Art of Loving. Harper Perennial Modern Classics. ISBN 0061129739
  • Gabriele Froböse, Rolf Froböse, Michael Gross (Translator): Lust and Love: Is it more than Chemistry? Publisher: Royal Society of Chemistry, ISBN 0-85404-867-7, (2006).
  • Johnson, P (2005) 'Love, Heterosexuality and Society'. Routledge: London.
  • Thomas Jay Oord, Science of Love: The Wisdom of Well-Being. Philadelphia: Templeton Foundation Press, 2004.
  • Peck, M. Scott. 2003. The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth. Touchstone. ISBN 0743243153
  • R. J. Sternberg. A triangular theory of love. 1986. Psychological Review, 93, 119–135
  • R. J. Sternberg. Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation of theories. 1987. Psychological Bulletin, 102, 331–345
  • Sternberg, R. J. 1998. Cupid's Arrow - the Course of Love through Time. Cambridge University Press. ISBN 0-521-47893-6
  • Dorothy Tennov. A Scientist Looks at Romantic Love and Calls It "Limerence": The Collected Works of Dorothy Tennov. Greenwich, CT: The Great American Publishing Society (GRAMPS), [2]
  • Wood, Wood and Boyd. The World of Psychology. 5th edition. 2005. Pearson Education, 402–403
  • Jones, Del. "One of USA's Exports: Love, American Style" USA Today: February, 14, 2006.
  • Tennov, Dorothy. 1979. Love and Limerence. Scarborough House. ISBN 0812823281

External links

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